“Want a shot?” I asked him. “Yeah, but just one or two.” he replied.
Bah, that’s what they all say. Very quickly, “one or two” becomes “seventeen or twenty-three” and before you know it, you’re laying shitfaced in a blanket of yesterday’s breakfast, seeing Jesus and his apostle pals breakdancing on your microwave, while screaming prophecies of a great plague.
It’s times like these, when top players Rayan “Ace” Isran and David “Clemens” Clemens claim “Just one or two”, that I’m glad I have poison control on speed dial. Between their bouts of alcoholism and “brewing les hoots”, they both claimed the Silo Agent world record, as well as Ace finally tieing the elusive Caverns and Surface agent records.
If you need me to tell you the mission time for those, you haven’t been paying attention.
Moving right along and hopefully staying a little more on topic, Clemens also nailed an exitingly vulgar untied on Dam 00 Agent, at 1:57. Other players on this stage include Henning Blom, with a damn fine time of two minutes flat.
A player who Im sure we’ll all be hearing a lot about in the time to come, is Axel Zakrisson, who nailed nearly two dozen PRs over the last couple weeks, and continues to ninja his way up the rankings. Among his times are Jungle Secret Agent 0:59, Control 00 Agent 4:25, and a time to make me reach for that speed dial, former Caverns Agent world record at 1:03.
Other players to improve this week were Dan Cervone, with 50 seconds on Surface 2 Agent; Simon Sternis, who escaped the Bunker mark II in 1:08; Zerg with a clever 1:51 at Surface 00; Mouser grinding away at the Aztec, currently at 1:53 on Secret Agent; newcomer Glozboy with a vaguely homosexual 0:26 through the Frigate; and of course, PR man Eddie Lovins with a slick 1:34 on Aztec Agent.
Lastly, we bid farewell to a dear friend, GreatMax who announced his tragic retirement from Goldeneye last week. A wise, influential player who will be dearly mi
Good news Elite! Our UK pal Graham Maddocks is back from his antarctic vacation, chilling with the penguins and grizzly bears, and returned to his domination of the 2nd Surface stage, with times of 0:54 and 1:32 to add to his previously untied world record.
Farewell, and be merry and drink!….but carefully.
TThis entry is corrupt. -YE