Chapter 5: The Upstart Finds His Home
February 2000 A.D.
"I was a n00b once, you know. No one is ever given power or respect; it must be earned. Before I helped build this empire we proudly call "The Elite", I was busy slaving away to get PRs and up my street rep. Slowly, but surely, I moved up the ladder of status. With the aid of my of my gaming ally, the mighty Greg Woll, the path to prominence grew more lucid.... They said we couldn't do it, but alas, we would spam our way right to the top.
So allow me to jump back a year or so on our timeline and tell you a tale. A tale fraught with peril, determination, vindication, romance(?), some poor GoldenEye playing, a LOT of Ruokai Chen flaming, and a few dead Dutchmen."
Without further ado, enjoy this glimpse into the past back when yours truly, teh Clark, was merely just another humble n00b...."
MarioKartUpstart has entered the room.
MarioKartUpstart: fuck Mario Kart
MarioKartUpstart: those guys are insane
MarioKartUpstart: I think I'll give these GE records a shot.
MarioKartUpstart: Just need to find someone who can tell me how the hell people are getting some of these times....
GoldenGreg007 has entered the room.
GoldenGreg007: Hi...who are you? And why did you invite me here?
MarioKartUpstart: You're Greg Woll, the GE player, right?
MarioKartUpstart: Nice time on Aztec agent.
GoldenGreg007: um, okay...thanks
MarioKartUpstart: I got 3:52
MarioKartUpstart: anyway, I can appreciate your time because I didn't do that wall warp thing either
GoldenGreg007: uh..I did warp
MarioKartUpstart: ...*uncomfortable silence*...
MarioKartUpstart: anyway, I'm looking to get some GE contacts and you're the first I found. Think you could tell me some others?
GoldenGreg007: yeah sure
GoldenGreg007: CoolDude123 is Garrett Sellati, he's a pretty cool...uh, dude...
GoldenGreg007: He's good to ask for strategy.
GoldenGreg007: WesMcKinn is WesMcKinney, but he probably won't answer you.
GoldenGreg007: By probably I mean definately
GoldenGreg007: PaperBoy006 is...well, nevermind.
GoldenGreg007: yeah yeah whatever
MarioKartUpstart: alright, well thanks for...Sellati.
MarioKartUpstart: Your times are pretty good man, how long have you been playing?
GoldenGreg007: a few months
GoldenGreg007: and thanks...I'm sure you'll be around my level soon
MarioKartUpstart: Actually I joined higher than you at 24th.
GoldenGreg007: Wes updated?
GoldenGreg007: What's my new rank?
GoldenGreg007: What's Rou..Ruak..no, blah, fuck it, what's Chen ranked?
MarioKartUpstart: Ruokai Chen?
GoldenGreg007: God dammit.
GoldenGreg007: I've been talking to him a bit and I think a rivalry is forming.
GoldenGreg007: Kid is a PR'ing machine.
GoldenGreg007: oh "personal record"
GoldenGreg007: he's been ahead of me every update on WGR so far
GoldenGreg007: World Goldeneye Rankings, Wes's page
MarioKartUpstart: oh, duh. Shouldn't it be...
GoldenGreg007: "Goldeneye World Rankings"?
GoldenGreg007: who knows
GoldenGreg007: I think it's the most credible site for GE records though
GoldenGreg007: ...are you serious?
MarioKartUpstart: sorry! *clueless*
MarioKartUpstart: ohhhhhh d'oh
MarioKartUpstart: Chen has good Train times.
MarioKartUpstart: 1:29 agent is NUTS.
GoldenGreg007: grr, Chen must go down
MarioKartUpstart: Well I got 37 new times today so I think I can pass him soon for ya..
GoldenGreg007: 37!?!?1 omfg!!
GoldenGreg007: Actually, I don't know. Garrett says it sometimes. Seems cool.
MarioKartUpstart: I think it means "old men f*ck garrett"
GoldenGreg007: lol mkay
MarioKartUpstart: I'm being serious.
GoldenGreg007: Me too.
MarioKartUpstart: Ruokai Chen has some pretty good times.
GoldenGreg007: Yeah, he probably lies or something, haha.
MarioKartUpstart: He lies? Why would someone lie about times? Not only would it hurt the site, but it doesn't gain anything for that person...other than the threat they'd get exposed one day.
GoldenGreg007: Hmm...never thought about that. I guess you'd lie bcs you wanted a higher rank?
MarioKartUpstart: Well, duh... Are you implying that you have considered lying?
GoldenGreg007: No! What? No!
MarioKartUpstart: lol j/k man
MarioKartUpstart: anyway, I conclude that although Chen hasn't lied...
MarioKartUpstart: he is gay.
MarioKartUpstart: he better watch his back though...
MarioKartUpstart: that chink's goin' down baby!!
MarioKartUpstart: next update, I'll be ahead of him.
MarioKartUpstart: you better be there too :)
GoldenGreg007: okay, well you have about 7 months, Wes is a little slow on updating, lol
MarioKartUpstart: I'll be like...2nd by then.
MarioKartUpstart: realistically I want top 10 eventually...
GoldenGreg007: yeah, me too.
MarioKartUpstart: I mean, I'm already ranked higher than my mk64 rank (28th) and like...I've been playing that game hardcore for 3 months.
GoldenGreg007: I see
MarioKartUpstart: anyway, good luck with GoldenEye. And you should probably work on that Aztec agent time :-P
GoldenGreg007: haha, shut up
GoldenGreg007: good luck to you, too...catch that rookie chen whatever-his-name is bitch
MarioKartUpstart: I'll talk to you later man.
GoldenGreg007: k :)
MarioKartUpstart has left the room.
GoldenGreg007: why did he invite me into some random chatroom instead of just IM'ing me?
GoldenGreg007 has left the room.
This chat actually happened. And closer to this reenactment than you'll ever know. In the time that followed, I set my focus to GoldenEye. I got to the top 10 before Woll by a comfortable margin. Woll did ultimately pass Chen, albeit briefly. But soon it wouldn't matter, as Chen would basically gay up his credibility in GE and get banned. Then MK64 allowed him in for some reason and actually gave him a position on their staff or something. Amazing. Finally, I eventually figured out the wall warp and got 2:16 on Aztec agent, tying Sellati from whom I learned the trick (my only GE contact of worth back then...heheh, just kidding Greg. Well, not really.) And last *and* least, Greg's-time-is-still-3:55-pwned. <3
To be continued...
Chapter 6: "PDE: Infiltration - The WGR Gets Depansted"
"Wes, the updater takes 5 minutes to update by itself and you still only do it once a month."
Written by Derek Clark
With contributions from Jon Barber