VOLUME 13 ISSUE 37     THE ELITE'S FINEST NEWS SOURCE     31 OCTOBER-6 NOVEMBER 2003
GOVERNMENT
"Affirmative Action For World Records" Proposal Rejected

     WOUDENBURG, HOLLAND - The "Affirmative Action For World Records" proposal was shot down by Matthijs ten Ham Monday afternoon. The proposal, which would automatically give minorities an advantage in claiming world records was declared a "ridiculous way to give minorities equality."

The Proposal in question, which would give minority gamers an advantage over white gamers
     The proposal would give any minority player seeking a world record a distinct advantage over a non-minority player, regardless of skill. Although it's not expected to be approved by any other moderator, if it were to become law, Wouter Jansen's top spot in the Goldeneye Elite would be in great danger.

     "It's completely stupid, for one thing," stated James Bird. "Just because some nigger wants my time, I'm supposed to give it to him? Fuck that. I'm sick of these darkies taking over the world. Now, they want our records? They can go to hell."

     Although it seems most people agree with Bird, few share the same narrow-minded passion. One minority gamer who would greatly benefit from such a law, Vitor Miranda, had mixed feelings on the issue.

     "I think it could be a good idea in some cirumcstances. I'm not too sure I like the idea of getting a record solely because I happen to not be white, but if there were some guidelines and restrictions that could be added on, it might work."

     Some world record times would have been perfectly secure under the new law, which stated that a "record time which can not be bested cannot be solely awarded to a minority gamer." However, any record that isn't maxed is up for grabs.

Dirk Olson stages a protest to the bill.  These people showed up 'just for the hell of it.'
     The proposal struck a nerve with nearly everybody in The Elite. Many staged demonstrations on their lawns hoping to gain the support of confused onlookers. In a hearing held in The Elite Chatroom, Sunday afternoon, many members expressed their deepest disdain for such a law.

     Greg Lavery probably had the most chilling words. Appealing to ten Ham, he said, "Our pride is on the line, here. When we pick up these controllers, we know the risks we are taking. I don't want to be endangered in any way just because they had to give the record to someone for being a minority gamer. We need to give these records to people who are the most qualified.

     "You're all worrying over nothing," reassured ten Ham. "There is no way I will allow this bill to pass. I can't speak for the other moderators, but I'm pretty sure they feel the same way."

     "This is a ridiculous way to give minorities equality for the past actions of the white man. Just because they were enslaved and/or discriminated against for 150 or so years, does not mean they can take over our rankings."

     The bill, which still has to be reviewed by Derek Clark, Jon Barber, and Bryan Youse, could be decided on within the next few days. If it passes, 187 of the 202 members of the Goldeneye Elite are expected to remove their times.
Copyright 2003, Teh pwnion, All rights reserved.