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Troll Chronicles: II

Clemens Finally Achieves a 44 in Super Metroid

Anybody who doesn’t live under a rock which is everybody but Woody knows that Clemens has been going for a 44 in Super Metroid for quite awhile now. Over the weekend, David summoned the inner degen and finally completed a 44:51 which beat popular players like Oats, Sweetnumb and Krauser. The 44 is what separates the men from the boys, a step into the elite club. It is certainly an incredible achievement. With one of his true life dreams fulfilled, it seemed like David was more than prepared to pursue bigger and better things. Perhaps he could have moved to Europe with his girlfriend and chased his artistic dream to become a world-renown painter with his pieces being center stage at the most prestigious art galleries like The Louvre or the National Gallery in Prague. Or maybe he could haved climbed up the ladder in the Aldi business and broadened the horizons of the franchise to areas in Asia earning millions of dollars in the process. These all seemed very realistic for the young David Clemens but instead he decided to stick with speedrunning. Great. He claimed that he would steal the GE any% UWR and maybe even Facility agent 0:43. Then after these GE endeavors, he would learn the new route and get an even better time in Super Metroid. This was a decent idea but classic Clem is classic Clem. Played GE for a few hours and returned straight to Super Metroid not even bothering learning the new route. Fantastic. Good luck with passing Ivan and congratulations with the 44.

Pilotwings Rivalries Continue

Fluke “Luke” Szklarz gave his thumb a rest for Pilotwings in other words he gave up on Dark Cavern. So with his “thumb rest” he decided to see what other WRs he could cake. Luke went to Touch and Go searching for the bakery and struck gold. He became head baker and did business. The WR was lowered by almost 2 whole seconds to 42.94 from 44.68. However, we all know Grav treats his emeralds on the rankings like they are his women, all his and in check. So Grav stormed into the bakery one night and usurped Luke’s position as head baker with a 40.86. Just like the last WR, this beat the previous by around 2 seconds which is just nasty. Nasty business.

On the other side of town, cakes were being done in the oven of Boss. 57.96 on Hawk Attack was done which beats the next best time by more than 10 seconds. Boss was not done though as he tore Meca Hawk Again apart with a 1:21.91 which also beats the next best by more than 10 seconds. Just when you thought he was finished doing business, he got a 1:51.70 on Ice Hornet beating the previous WR of 1:54.23.

The Era of Pinball

With an established thread, PRs continued to pour in. The pinball council was also made and it arranged numerous meetings across the world which received a lot of media attention as expected. The big decision that had everyone on their feet was whether or not Axel Z’s 13mil run needed to be taken down as it was unrecorded. Besides meetings, several late night phone calls were made and back and forth e-mails were involved as well. The council finally came to a consensus that for pinball to be taken seriously, we had to establish strict rules. Axel’s 13mil was taken down and now Ryan “Woody” Lockwood has the Elite record of 10.9mil. However, Øyvind “Typosaur” Persvik entered the playing field with a run of 10.2mil coming close to the Elite record. This run attracted a lot of negative attention because he clearly stated that he just grinded the launch ramp until 10mil. What a waste of life. It seems to be some sort of European trend as some speculate that Axel Z might have used the same strat for his 13mil run. The next council meeting in Moscow, Russia will definitely hold some discussion regarding this issue. Some are ruminating over the idea of having separate European pinball rankings and rest of the world rankings. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Philip “MirrorMage” Bezgoubov also completed a run of 9.9mil which puts him on the podium. What a gangster. A new category has also been introduced which is a speedrun to 1mil. The current elite record is held by Rayan “Perfectace” Isran with 1:23 but there has yet to be proof provided.

Mario Golf

IamButtPixels achieved a 7:00.53 on Mario’s Star which is known for unforgiving ball t-rolling. It remains the only individual level that is not sub 7 but still a great run from Pixels. From the man himself: “Only one or two bad mistakes, couple of clutch sets of RNG helped.”
Victor completed a clutch 1:01:22 in the all courses category setting the new UWR. Congratulations to both Victor and IamButtPixels for their Mario Golf WRs.

GE/PD News

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Posted: February 9th, 2015
at 1:05am by Mirrormage


Categories: GoldenEye,Milestones,Troll Chronicles,World Records

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The Elite Troll Chronicles

Assorted musings from young Goldeneye star Mirrormage; enjoy.

The Day With No WRs: 23rd January

It’s a well-known fact that the 23rd of January is the only day in Elite history that does not have a single WR in GE. This year however, we weren’t ready to just let it slide like a little fucker. Jim “Jimbo” Barrett surprisingly put up some of his own money, $25 even, for the person with the best WR on the day. $25 coming out of Jim’s wallet is probably enough to give him a heart attack so of course everyone picked up their controllers and went at it. There were a record number of twitch streams going on on the day; people were seriously hungry for dat $$$.

Unfortunately, no one was able to get a WR. So many runners wasted 10 hours of their lives running some game from the 90s. We probably would have had a WR if the Singaporean streaming servers did not shit the bed on the night of the 23rd. If I was able to put in about 3+ hours, a WR would have definitely happened… but it didn’t. Putting all the hours squandered by runners trying to achieve a WR together adds up to almost 110 hours. Ilari “Illu” Pekkala wins the award for being the biggest degen with almost 18 hours of Dam agent for 0:52. He could have recieved a massive pot of over $300 for the 0:52 but the 18 hours was completely fruitless. Congratulations on wasting 18 hours of your life, Illu.

Woody Cuts The Boss in Super Metroid

After attending virgin fortress 2015, Ryan “Cockwood” Lockwood underwent weeks worth of intense seshes of Super Metroid incorporating new strats in hopes for amazing improvements. These desired improvements quickly followed and a great PR was imminent. The run started with a sub 17 power-bombs, his first. Woody continued to clutch his movement, dashing and hopping stylishly past monsters and across rooms. This play was just barely enough for a sub 22 grav suit, almost choking it by running over the item like a complete scrub. Some unfortunate mistakes hurt the run afterwards but Woody ended up with a 50:22. Celebrations went wild; the once insipid chat erupted into a boisterous frenzy congratulating Ryan. Woody was visibly fucking pumped about his time but he seemed particularly excited about recieving nudes from Oats after the run. The 50:22 beat Bryan Bosshardt’s time of 50:45. With this, he was bestowed one of the most prestigious titles in all of speedrunning, “2nd best Super Metroid runner in the Elite”. Congrats bud. He is currently grinding out late-game because his late-game is shit. Hopefully we get to see the sub 50 soon.

Fierce Rivalries in Pilotwings 64

Fluke “Homeonice” Szklarz was inspired to run Pilotwings 64 upon return to the barren wastelands of Australia. However, he was only interested in running the level “Dark Cavern” probably because his current habitat is awfully similar to a dark cavern. He described it as a potentially year-long project with constant grinding but in just 4 days he annihilated the WR of 36.92 with 36.71 improving his PR of 37.84 by more than a second. Grav was definitely tilted so as expected, he grinded the shit out of that level (probably skipped school) in hopes to get the WR back. And he did. 36.24 bb. Grav showed who is boss. Completely rekt the previous rekky by almost half a second. Will Luke bounce back? We can only wait and see.

Szklarz was not the only newcomer Grav had to deal with, Bryan Bosshardt showed his gaming prowess by collecting two WRs for himself (1:49.44 on River Run and 2:08.95 on Sky Maneuvers). However, Grav quickly responded with 1:48.80 and 2:08.48. Boss would not be defeated so easily though and got 1:48.42 on River Run. A day later, Grav bested the Boss WR with a 1:48.06 and claimed he is going for the 1:47. That’s some pretty intense shit guys.


The Elite Searching For A New Proof Moderator

After the council decision was made to remove Dan Berube’s Dam agent 0:53 and Adam Matis’ Archives agent 0:16 off the rankings, Thiradell, a well-known member of the elite staff, ragequit from his duties. He will be doing one more proof call before passing the baton. The Elite launched a search for a new proof moderator this week attracting a few people. Current applicants include Austin “Austinthegamer” Perroux, Alec “Troubleclef” McDonald and Jonathan “dsx” Hotinski. Good luck to all the tryhard applicants. It should also be noted that Dugg created a funny .gif in that thread which inadvertently supported dsx’s campaign to elite relevance. Link: http://i.imgur.com/tAVyf4o.gif

The Pinball Era

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Posted: January 31st, 2015
at 1:28am by Mirrormage


Categories: GoldenEye,LTK,Milestones,Perfect Dark,World Records

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The Elite Podcast – Season 1 Episode 3 Now Available!

If you have an hour of free time and want to be caught up on everything that’s happened in the Elite in the last 3 months, as well as some extensive analysis of the very first GoldenEye Fantasy League, check out Episode 3 of the Elite Podcast!

Posted: December 6th, 2014
at 5:03pm by Jimbo


Categories: GoldenEye,Meetings,Milestones,Video,World Records

Comments: 1 comment


The Elite Podcast – Episode 2 Now Available!

If you’re looking to kill an hour and catch up on everything going on with the Elite as of June 20, check out the Elite Podcast episode 2!

Posted: September 7th, 2014
at 12:12pm by Jimbo


Categories: GoldenEye,Perfect Dark,Video,World Records

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He SKIPPED 0:55!

Long-time veteran Illu once was the inarguable lord of the Jungle, setting salacious untied records on each difficulty some time in the year…. (Jimbo, spot me!) [Jimbo Edit: It was November 2007!]

Beast-modded with Monster energy drinks, Illu SKIPPED 55 to establish an RI-IP shared record of 0:54 on Jungle 00 Agent. Details of the run are unknown to this point, but we can only assume perfect lines and some doubles helped propel Illu to this legendary time. In the meantime you’re invited to enjoy this bizarre teaser video (from, of course, the long-standing “Snowdome Productions” studio):

Posted: August 24th, 2014
at 8:08pm by Derek


Categories: GoldenEye,Video,World Records

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Untied Records, New Top 5 Player! Holy August!

While Perfect Dark is [sadly] closing in on the 365-day mark with no world records posted other than Duel, Goldeneye has held fast in its incredible activity level and we have a few notable achievements to talk about.

Current champion Rayan Isran is still continuing to post untied world records, even in a day where the game is so considerably optimized already. Continuing from the previous update, Ace got Aztec Secret Agent 1:34 using the far-riskier Agent strat, thus knocking off a world record Marc Rutzou has had since June 1, 2010. After this, Ace went after another one of Marc’s untied records and nabbed himself Train 00 Agent 1:49 after several failed runs and duped completed 1:50s. Watch the commentary videos linked below for further analysis of the runs by the champ himself!

In other news, we have a new top 5 player on the point rankings, and that player is Australian juggernaut Karl Jobst! Karl, having been around the site since the stone ages and once claiming the #1 spot in overall time, has slowly clawed back in the last year in direct competition with fellow Australian Luke Szklarz. While Luke is on break, it’s Karl’s time to shine and possibly go after 4th place Bryan Bosshardt, who still remains inactive in individual levels and continues to practice for a possible AGDQ Agent race.

Finally, a note of congratulations goes out to top 10 runner Ilari Pekkala, who nabbed himself a 1:08:xx run at the European Speedster Assembly earlier this month. The 1:08:xx is special because it beat his own goal of sub 1:10:00, beat his personal record, and had no fails or deaths using skill-based strategies and of course was completed in only one try. Only one word can describe this run, C-L-U-T-C-H. Great job Illu!

Posted: August 11th, 2014
at 2:15pm by Jimbo


Categories: GoldenEye,Meetings,Milestones,World Records

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Australia Represent! One Month of Caverns Secret Agent Optimization!

Back about one month ago, the Elite (and in particular Luke Szklarz) tossed around an idea that it would be entirely possible to heave a timed mine through the big door on Caverns SA and into the radio room to complete objective C – much like the mine throws now used on Control. Proof-of-concept was finally delivered and the race to 1:18 and beyond was on which gave us quite a few nights of entertainment.

The throw itself is a precise throw, comparable to Surface 2 Agent, which requires Bond to chuck a timed mine in full left strafe at a particular angle and in a specific part of the tunnel. Bond must chuck a timed mine in a space the size of a mailbox; all of this while dealing with several extremely accurate guards and the likely scenario of the scientists failing anyway. The level has become much easier to survive, but still leaves a completion rate somewhere in the low single digit %.

On March 30, Canadian superstar MichaelMouserKirkness posted his first career untied record with 1:18. With that monkey off his back, previous champ and American sage Bryan Bosshardt tied that record within a few hours. The race for multiple untieds was on! Australian powerhouse Luke Szklarz would also post his first career untied record with a skip directly to 1:16 on April 4, a time Swedish player Ilari Pekkala would tie just a few hours later as well. The next day, Bryan Bosshardt would get the “run of his life” in what ended up as a 1:14 completion and a 4 second skip into what was his first untied record since June 2012. Not to be outdone, Luke Szklarz posted 1:14 to break Bryan’s heart and solidify his time for the near future. It must be noted that neither the champion Rayan Isran or 3rd place player Marc Rutzou have beaten their former best times and former world records of 1:19. In total, as of this post, only 7 players have completed a run using this strategy.

In other game news, Australian champ Luke Szklarz continues to sizzle up the ranks as former Australian champ and direct competitor Karl Jobst skyrockets up the rankings. Luke would post Surface 2 Agent 0:48, a couple of previously mentioned Caverns Secret Agent world records, and finally would tie a DCMR time of Caverns Agent 1:01 – something even Ace doesn’t have quite yet! Karl has posted an incredible string of personal records, finally getting close to cleaning up his notoriously one-sided times page. With too many good individual times to list, his recent run is highlighted by Runway 00 Agent 0:35 – a time that ties a 4.5 year untied record that dates back to November 2009! Luke vs Karl is shaping up to be a wonderfully entertaining rivalry.

Posted: April 14th, 2014
at 8:28pm by Jimbo


Categories: GoldenEye,Milestones,Video,World Records

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Cradle 00A 0:35 finally happens, Runway SA 0:22 is matched!

March 26, 2014 – a day that can be remembered for GoldenEye relinquishing its last reasonable untied record, and the day when former giant-killer Michael Kirkness ended a streak that started on August 7, 2002.

Karl Jobst, former Australian champ, perennial multiplayer powerhouse, former champion of the game in time rankings back in the very early 2000s and strat contributor posted Cradle 00 Agent 0:35. The quest to earn 0:35 on 00 Agent began back in July 2008 when former champion David Clemens posted Secret Agent 0:35, but no players emerged as the candidate to put in the likely grind needed to match that record on 00 Agent. Not only did Karl get his first untied record since January 17, 2006 (Archives Secret Agent 0:55), but he did the entire run with only one ZMG in the hut in style.

Part 2 of this milestone day is Canadian player Michael “Mouser” Kirkness finally tying Bryan Bosshardt’s last remaining untied record with Runway Secret Agent 0:22. This is the first time in 11.5 years that we will not see a solo pink “BB” on the rankings, a streak that spans over 4000 days and won’t be threatened to be matched in many years. Michael Kirkness’s previous most notable achievements are being the first player to tie Runway Agent 0:22 in May 2006, and Bunker 1 Agent 0:17 back on 666. (June 6, 2006).

Fantastic job to both players, as well as everyone who helped contribute to the Control massacre of the last few weeks. The records currently stand at 3:56 / 4:04 / 4:05.

Posted: March 26th, 2014
at 10:19pm by Jimbo


Categories: GoldenEye,Milestones,World Records

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January 2014 – GoldenEye Activity and POM

It’s been quite a month for GoldenEye! 43 different players managed at least one PR, and we saw a lot of activity from many of GE’s top players.

GE Activity

Eise Smit led the charge, picking up 25 PRs in 14 different levels. This puts him at 12th place with 5207 points heading into February, less than 100 points from #10-ranked Shawn Johnson! He spent a lot of time on Control, ending up with 4:00 Agent, 4:13 SA, and 4:18 00A, which were enough to get him on the level’s leaderboard with 270 points. He became one of the few eliters to successfully pull off the most risky version of the Aztec glass strategy (more on that later).

Karl Jobst, one of the all-time greats, had five amazing times this month. 0:52 Agent, 0:56 SA, 0:57 00A got him on the Jungle leaderboard, and he got world records on Cradle Secret Agent (0:35) and 00 Agent (0:36) to get 300 points there…better yet, he got those WRs in one day! He used a new strategy as well, throwing the grenade into the hut that Trevelyan first runs into.

Luke Szklarz took that new strategy and used it to get 0:37 on Cradle 00A, but stuck with the old strat for SA 0:36. Both excellent times, although Luke wasn’t done there…he focused on Train this month, coming away with a superb trio: 1:01 Agent, 1:26 SA, and 1:53 00A. These times tie him with David Clemens for 3rd on the Train leaderboard, behind Rayan Isran and Marc Rützou. Luke pulled off a very impressive rise in the ranks in 2013, and continues to impress in the new year; we’ll see whether he can push past Bryan Bosshardt to make the top 4.

Jim Barrett spent last year clawing his way back into the top 10, and rumor has it he has his sights set on passing Ilari Pekkala for the #7 spot. Anybody who knows Jim knows his tendency to complain about his unsurpassed streak of bad luck, but Baron Samedi finally threw him a bone, dying fast enough for Jim to get Egypt Agent 0:46. He had a Train trio of his own, clocking in at 1:07 Agent, 1:32 SA, and 1:57 00A. He also pulled off the crazy Aztec strategy, and since I promised I’d talk about that…

Axel Zakrisson only PRed once this month, but it’s one of his best times: Aztec Agent 1:28. Getting under 1:30 requires very fast guard manipulation to open the glass door where you’d normally need Jaws’ keycard.

Eise Smit, Jim Barrett and Ilari Pekkala all used this strategy to get 1:29 this month, a crazy rush of times using a technique that had only been successfully utilized by four people before.

Ryan “Goose” White continues to dazzle many hundreds of viewers a night, after he and Alex Anderson thrilled the crowd at Awesome Games Done Quick 2014. Besides his own trio of Train times at AGDQ (1:06/1:32/2:00), Goose finally achieved a world record he’d been trying years for: Streets Agent 1:12! Ryan Lockwood recently got this time, receiving unprecedented amounts of hype for his reactions (and for skipping 1:13), but Goose’s accomplishment shouldn’t go unnoticed; Marc Rützou is the only other player with 1:12, a time which requires a combination of luck, very precise execution, and CLUTCHNESS.

Daniel “Wodahs” Coelho is back from hiatus, and moving up the ranks once again; currently sitting at 37th, Wodahs spent a week improving quite a few different times, but then focused on a few key levels. He came away with three world records: Archives Agent 0:16, Dam Agent 0:53, and Runway Agent 0:22. It’s hard to predict how high Wodahs will manage to climb, but I don’t see him slowing down any time soon.

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Posted: February 1st, 2014
at 6:21pm by Thiradell

Tagged with , , , , , , ,


Categories: GoldenEye,Video,World Records

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Lockwood Scores Streets Agent 1:12

While many people spent their holiday time with family, Ryan Lockwood was working hard to score big Goldeneye records on Twitch.  His Christmas Day accomplishment has excited the Goldeneye community.

The 22-year-old from Key West, FL spent much of his time at the 2013 Virginia Meet trying for Silo Agent 1:01.  He finally became the 5th player to earn this time on December 22nd.  Just three days after nailing that record, he managed to hit an even bigger record.  Lockwood must have been on Santa’s really, really nice list, as he hit Streets Agent 1:12.  He is the first player to tie the world record set by Marc Rützou in 2012.  Prior to this Christmas Day shocker, Rützou held seven untied world records, including a sweep on Train. By tying him, Lockwood showed everybody he can live up to his potential.

It wasn’t exactly one of the usual suspects of Rayan Isran, David Clemens or Bryan Bosshardt who first managed to tie the #3 ranked Rutzou.  Lockwood is currently ranked 48th in the world at Goldeneye.  This record shows once again that even the best world records can be achieved by players anywhere on the ranks.  Cliff Hampton isn’t even in the top 50, yet he has the honor of holding an untied with Runway 00 Agent 0:35.

In hitting 1:12, Ryan skipped over the former World Record mark of 1:13 from his previous PR of 1:14. His time has since been met with critical acclaim from numerous Eliters.  Sixth ranked Goldeneye veteran Ryan White (RWhiteGoose) commented, “Lockwood has cemented his place as a true legend.”  Many of Ryan’s fellow players were in awe after witnessing his remarkable achievement.

Watch Lockwood’s Streets Agent 1:12 here and Silo Agent 1:01 here.

In other GE news, Jim Barrett scored 5 PRs to enter the top 10 for the first time since 2007.

 

Contributed by Corey Stolzenbach

Posted: December 27th, 2013
at 5:10pm by Thingy

Tagged with , , ,


Categories: GoldenEye,Uncategorized,World Records

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