Note: All news updates before the August 8th, 2001 update have been lost due to an accident on my behalf.

The New Age of Goldeneye

We have officially entered the New Age of Goldeneye World Records, and what better way to do that than bringing back an almost dead site dedicated to the great achievements of GE Eliters back to life? A lot has happened in the world of Goldeneye over the past 6 months since the last update, and as you can probably tell, this update, just like the Ranks and Records, have gone through some major changes. The first thing to point out, though you probably already noticed by the lack of 15-letter palindromic adjectives, this is NOT Derek Clark like normal. I, Steve Bryze, hacked Derek's computer and stole all his websites. Erm.. due to Derek being busy, me being not-as-busy, and this site really needing an update, I'll be writing up the news this time around, and I can only hope to entertain and inform you as much as Clark has over the past 43 years.

Before we get into the "meat" of the update, let's talk about some other things I've been working on around this place. I've cleaned up this homepage to be somewhat easier to update, along with the World Records table being very very easy to update after my work on it. I've also added a few new stylesheets to main parts of the site, so that everything will now display correctly and exactly the same in Internet Explorer and Firefox! (you should be using the bold one! Bold=sexy!) I also got the Record Leaders page all fixed up and completely valid html, though there is still a lot of work to do for the rest of the pages to follow in that fashion. I figured I'd pump out an update while I was interested (read: drugged up), so those will just have to wait for another rainy day (or year at this pace, lolz!). And now, I bring you, the Goldeneye World Records.

With all this talk about the site coming back, why not start off talking about Goldeneye's former champ coming back into the spotlight? Yes, Wouter Jansen made his triumphant return to Goldeneye a few months ago, and quickly showed that he hasn't lost a step, nabbing 3 of the best untied records you could imagine: 0:43 Depot Secret Agent, 0:50 Depot 00 Agent, and 1:13 Streets Agent. The Depot SA run is just beautiful. Perfect, precise, and just utterly amazing. 0:50 on 00A knocks off the former record as the longest lasting untied, as Wouter's 0:51 loses the top spot after 955(!) days, easily the longest lasting untied EVER. And doesn't it strike you as odd that I'm the one that gets to update the site when someone finally gets 1:13 Streets Agent? Derek put it best in his mainpage description of the time: "a great milestone in competitive GoldenEye, as well as a brilliant exhibition in look-down strafing and self-boosting!" The run is absolutely flawless, and will not be tied easily, if ever. These feats earned Wouter 3 POWs and the POM for June, something he's probably used to by now. His strong push for other incredible records may make this the year that Jansen takes the GE throne back from current champ Bryan Bosshardt, but only time will tell.

Wouter wasn't the only one to make a comeback over the past 6 months. Graham Morris returned with some nice records on Streets SA/00, along with Depot SA 0:44 while it was still the record. Good job Graham! Peter Osterland also got a WR, like he seems to every update, this time with 1:03 Caverns A. Eise Smit took full advantage of the new Frigate strats, pumping out a POW worthy 1:07 on SA in his minor comeback to GE. Mike Gaydeski also rejoins the site with the 2 "common" WRs, 0:26 Depot A and 0:23 Runway SA. Brandon Sanford matches those and adds a 1:03 Caverns A to his credit, moving him up to 10th in WRs.

While Bryan and Wouter were both inactive, you'd expect WRs to be few and far between, but one man made sure that wasn't the case. Dan Cervone has made Goldeneye his bitch over the past 6 months. It all started with an unwhoard of 1:45 Aztec SA and 1:50s on Surface 1 SA/00, along with numerous PRs to shoot him up to 3rd in points. Since then, he's been on an absolute hot streak, tying some of the "untieable" records that you'd only imagine to see a BB or WJ underneath on the rankings. 1:43 Train SA? 0:53 Dam A?!? 2:00 Dam 00A?? 2:20 Statue SA/00?!?!? He's certainly made a mark on the ranks, propelling himself up to 3rd in WRs, with 11 more than 4th place! His impressive untieds on Frigate SA/00 and Dam SA show his incredible potential, and if he keeps this breakneck pace, he may soon rise where very few have before. Dan won 4 of the 6 POMs this update, 9 POWs, and the Player of Spring award. Simply incredible.

As you can tell by the Oldest Records page, things have definitely been shaken up since February, when the first of the longest lasting untieds dropped. This was done by none other than Henrik Norgren, who shocked everyone with 1:55 Aztec 00A, beating one of Wouter's most infamous untieds ever. Henrik didn't stop there, and rose all the way to 4th in WRs on the strength of such uncommon times as 1:56 Streets SA/00 and 0:37 Cradle 00. He gets a POM and a cookie for his efforts. Fellow Swede Ilari Pekkala took a break from destroying Dark LTK and moved all the way up to 8th in WRs, including a shocker in 1:03 Surface 1 Agent. He gets a POW and 1/4th of a cookie for his efforts. Other consistent performers Trent Hovis and Greg Lewis each nabbed a few WRs and moved up 3 spots in the rankings each.

Other random stuff to mention... Depot Agent is now the most common WR, now that Streets 1:14 is no more. In over 6 months of non-updating, we have had 7 weeks with 0 records. Compare this with 5 weeks in 2 months this time last summer, and I think we're doing a bit better. With such rising stars as Cervone, Norgren, and Pekkala, and a major comeback from Jansen looming, it looks like, even 8 years later, Goldeneye is still doing alright. As long as you guys keep getting records, this site will keep being updated. As the most important fact says:

This site is immortal. Really, it is.
Reporting old times (like ...old times)

There really is something nostalgic about this site. As much as I wish it would just die so that people would stop pestering me about updates, I really don't want to see it go. I think that's reflected in me including a link to it in's quick links--getting rid of that link would mess some things up, so essentially, I *have* to keep updating this site, haha. And by me I mean Come (Steve Bryze). Errr... thanks again to Come for getting in the trenches and doing the dirty work on getting this update ready (including cleaning up some things and even adding another stylesheet). Please direct all complaints to him. On with the news!!

The big news is that we've handed out the 2004 Player of the Year award to none other than Bryan Bosshardt! He pretty much clinched it in the span of a few months during spring in which he set something like 15 untied records. Congratulations to Bryan on earning our site's highest distinction for the second consecutive year!

A big honorable mention goes to Dan Cervone, who won 2004's final two seasonal awards, taking advantage of the absence of GE's two sleeping giants. Dan has really elevated his name the past several months, and I can't express how glad I am to have him around. On any given day he could notch (or even take down) one of the GE Elite's venerable world records. Guys like Dan are who keep things interesting around here!

Other notable happenings since last update include a surprise untied from Bosshardt (2:00 Dam 00 agent), an even more surprising pair of WRs from the otherwise dormant Adam Moore, two more members in the Dam-0:53 club, and a new strat paradigm on Frigate, courtesy Alex Anderson!! Alex's new strategy on Frigate 00 appears not only to be a tad faster, but completes the hostages with MUCH greater regularity (hopefully saving future Eliters from the hell we've all been enduring for years on Frigate 00). The biggest drawbacks involve having to utilize the fussy pipe warp as well as using the bug throw on 00 agent, but ultimately the trade-off is well worth it. And personally, I feel a lot better about a strategy that utilizes all the tricks we've learned to optimize completion time. Frigate 00 times are now starting to reflect skill moreso than endurance (lol), which is a good thing. I think. Anyway, congrats to Alex on his discovery, along with its fruits, 1:14 Frigate 00 agent.

With regard to the new Dam 0:53 "members", first it was Ilari Pekkala coming out of nowhere to join Bosshardt and Berube (releasing the video at the same time he released the time--thank you!!). A week later our battle-worn hero, Wouter Jansen, matched the time after an unspeakable sum of completed 54s. I extend my highest regards to them both on having achieved this mark--in doing so, it's safe to say you've immortalized your name in this community.

As far as other loose ends go, a few familiar names have made cameos in the WR topic. As mentioned, otherwise-retired GE legend Adam Moore came forth with a pair of records last month, a pleasant surprise. And our most recent pair of record-getters, Trent Hovis and Jim Barrett (aka the poor man's Wouter/Bryan tandem, lol - jk) reasserted their presence in the GE community. And my FAVORITE Swede, Axel Andersson, did well to show that he wasn't just an amusing character on the boards, but also a reputable GE player, bagging a few records. And who could forget the funkiest buddha down under? Greg Lewis had a few minutes so he picked up another GE record.

And lastly, a few site-related events worth mentioning. Firstly, Pascal Viets made GE history by becoming the first person to have more records in a month than everyone else combined! Unfortunately, he had the only record that month (July), lol. Nonetheless, he gets a POM for his efforts (or I should say "effort"?). Also, Dan Cervone pulled off something rare by having a "perfect month"--all 4 POWS--the first ever to do so (if we discount when Bryan did it with the aid of a co-POW). As always, you're encouraged to have a look at the awards page to see all of the excitement that is my highly subjective and classically exaggerated e-drivel.

To finish, we look ahead. It is appearing increasingly doubtful that Wouter will ever overtake Bryan. But Wouter remains active on various titles behind the scenes, and it doesn't appear that that will change. And at any moment I'm sure he could take the GE community by storm if he desired. However, Bryan also doesn't appear to be going anywhere at the moment, either, though he seems a much more likely candidate to abruptly retire, based on his past behavior. Right now he's SHREDDING up the PD charts, and rumor has it that he has unfinished business on GE. If he does return to GoldenEye, then I think that effectively puts Wouter "all in". Let's just hope the Dutchman has a good hand....

As dead as things have been during stretches since the last update, I honestly believe there are more prospects of interest brewing right now than for any of the past few updates. To me, this really feels like the calm before the storm. I think we all *know* that Bryan and Wouter are going to break more records; it's only a matter of when and how many. Also looming in the shadows, Jim and Trent appear on the cusp of psuedo-comebacks... and perhaps they could substantiate into real ones. Likewise, Adam Moore has become true wildcard in this, too. Those 5 names are our top 5, guys; we're very lucky to have them all semi-active at the same time. Mix in rising stars like Cervone, Anderson, Pekkala, and Andersson, and, well... I'm sure I'm not alone in being excited to see how 2005 unfolds.

Until next time, I'm Derek Clark - you stay classy, Elite.

GE gets Boss'ed

About a week after the last update, Wouter decided to take a hiatus from GE. Bryan Bosshardt was still active. Conclusion? A recipe for GE destruction. When Wouter's away, Bosshardts will play. Let's assess the damage. Bryan started off by balancing Statue, getting his 2:20 on agent, not an easy record at all. Bryan then attacked some of Wouter's strongest missions, managing to tie Wouter's Train SA, 00, and even managed to match 1:23 Caverns SA. Next he shocked everyone, and I mean everyone, by announcing that he had achieved 0:24 Bunker 2 agent. Many of us speculated that this time wasn't even POSSIBLE. Even more amazing, he got it with a single boost. Now I think everyone feels at ease calling this mission successfully maxed, awesome work by Bryan. He finished off Bunker by getting a 1:06 on 00 agent, completing his 4th untied mission sweep, and his 13th 300-pt mission. The carnage was not over. He tied a pair of Wouter's 00 records, then turned Control.... Bryan already had 3 records there, but apparently Jimbo's tying of his 00 record sparked some frenzy of obsession on Control by Bryan. When it was over (and it still might not be), 12 seconds were forever lost. Bryan's new times are 4:00/4:13/4:17, pushing his total time to territory we weren't sure could ever be touched. At 1:17:16, Bryan is forcing us to rethink the "golden barrier". Bryan has conceded that he feels he may be running out of gas, but with Bryan, nothing seems to be impossible. Bryan currently holds 51 records, including a record 7 untied agent records, upping his own record by two. Most impressively, Bryan is only missing 9 seconds from GE's total time!!! That's exactly one second missing on each of his 9 non-record times. Wow. Who knows what Bryan has in store for us for the rest of the summer. And there are increasing indications that Wouter may be returning soon.... Should get interesting!

Outside of GE's two titans, Jim Barrett and Trent Hovis have developed their own rivalry in the battle to claim GE's third place position. Both had active months in the WR department, starting with a 0:26 Depot from Trent. Jim raised the bar with a stunning match of Bryan's Control 00 record, 4:22, then chased it with a 0:23 Runway SA (later to be matched by Trent). Trent closed the gap shortly afterward by getting 1:03 Caverns agent, and since that time things have fallen silent. Trent is less than 20 pts away from Jim in the regular rankings, but Jim seems confident he'll be holding on to his position. The GoldenEye Elite is very fortunate to have our top 4 players all active and battling, don't touch that dial!

On a final note, Dan Cervone has really followed in the path of Henrik Norgren and become an overnight, bonafied GE pro. His last two records earned him a POW, and at this point it seems that no speed record is out of his reach. If he stays active, expect great things from him...Dan is a pure GE talent. And speaking of great talents, PD's "Funky Buddha", Greg Lewis, has been quietly flying up the charts in the GE world. He even earned himself a POW by picking up a pair of records in succession. Just ask Elite legend Karl Jobst what he thinks of Lewis's abilities...and don't let yourself be surprised by what this Aussie is capable of doing. Lastly, Pascal Viets followed in the footsteps of his great Dutch successors by returning to the world record table with a record he probably doesn't have to fear losing: 0:23 Runway secret agent! What's most impressive is that Pascal is the first player to ever get this record with the 1.1 controller configuration, disproving Bryan's belief that it was impossible. Pascal is very proud of this accomplishment and that he should be! Congratulations to all players for keeping things exciting in the Elite!

In final news and notes, I miraculously noticed a small site record was achieved--currently 10 of the 20 agent records are untied! This is really quite amazing, if you think about it. This update was completed in a constrained time frame, so please report any errors you find to me via email (not on the boards!) I will fix them in the next 24 hours! I don't have time to proof check :( And Bryan, this especially goes to you...please check some of those site record statistics, same routine.... See you next time, guys!

Wouter to ...Die Another Day?

Here we are again. I guess I'll tell you the news that you already know. Because that's what I do!

Not much going on these days. Wouter Jansen is our primary news-maker, nothing surprising there. Bosshardt has been taking a little break, and Wouter has used this time to work on some records he's been wanting to get, securing first place once again. His proudest feat is probably matching Bryan's 1:03 on Surface 1 agent, one of the hardest agent records that remained. In doing so he upped his agent record total to 17, tying his own record that he shares with Randy Buikema. His sole untied of the update is an insane 0:36 on Cradle secret agent, probably maxing it in the realistic sense. He also got 0:37 on 00 agent, but not before Jim Barrett set the mark to start off 2004. Jim has been posting strong PRs, and is now GoldenEye's third-ranked player! Congratulations to Jim on his accomplishment.

We have three new names on our record table this update, but a few are familiar faces. Two achieved the familiar 0:23 Runway agent, the first being Ryan Dwyer, probably better known as "Your Eliteness", the Perfect Dark champion. The other is our new player, Pascal Viets, a true first timer to WR page. The third player is Martin Bauer, who is no stranger to the record table. He's sporting a shiny new 1:14 Streets agent, impressive! (apologies on the initial error, Martin!!) Congratulations to all.

And no, I did not forget Peter's record. Peter Osterland, who just seems omnipresent around the boards, surprised me, if no one else, by posting a record--a nice one at that--0:25 Bunker 2 agent. I've said it before and I'll say it again...Peter Osterland is as good as anyone when it comes to the agent difficulty.

In random news, 0:23 Runway agent surpassed 0:18 Bunker 1 agent as the most prolific record in history, with 64 people sharing the record! 0:22 will never be out of the question, in my opinion. In other news, Wouter Jansen won Best Player Winter 2003-2004, capitalizing on his consistent GE campaign. Also interesting to mention, Bryan Bosshardt is now the lowest ranked player with an untied agent 2nd place, lol. In the meantime, you, me, and the rest of the Elite are enjoying a tie for 3rd place on the untied record count--with 0, hehe. The rest is up for you to observe on your own. See you next year! I mean next...time.

GEWR Reloaded: 2003 in review

Hi again, we're back in time for the new year. I held out on this update to build up suspense to what would be the most contentious POY race in the site's history. Wow, that excuse is almost believable, isn't it? I'll just blame Come. Actually, I'd like to first extend major thanks to Come (Steve Bryze) for being my official pre-updater, allowing me to get straight to business on these updates without worrying about the "dirty work". The site might otherwise be thanks Steve!

So you're probably wondering who won the Player of the Year race. Bosshardt was obviously red hot down the stretch, but did he have enough in the earlier stretches of 2003? Or would Wouter win his 3rd straight POY in a year that he asserted his abilities from start to finish? Well, your're just gonna have to check it out yourself by clicking that sexy "Player Awards" button (teh two-tone fontz!). I must say I never had so much fun handing out awards, as there were all kinds of firsts and other unique events on the page. And of course...let me say thank you to Wouter and Bryan both for an awesome year. It's been very entertaining, fellas.

As for recent events, it's basically been the Wouter and Bryan show. Trent Hovis and Jim Barrett are our other two big contenders lately. It's really beginning to appear as though we're watching the final efforts of GE's last greats. Although Jim, aka "Jimbo", has been controversial in his day, he's turned things around and really starting to show us that he had the skill to back a lot of his boasting from back in "the day". I think we've forgiven him now that he's providing proof for everything lately. And of course, he finally bagged 1:08 Bunker 1 00 agent, a time that may very well be maxed (remember that in effect this mission is only 20 seconds or so...1 second is a MAJOR deal! Jimbo has like 5 1:09s or possibly more, to support the idea that this may be maxed). As for Trent, he's been doing more damage on the ranks than Jimbo, most notably taking 3rd in total time recently! Trent will quite likely take 3rd place soon, an accomplishment that's been lost in the shadow of our historic #1 race. Let's not forget that Trent deserves a place among GE greats!! It may've snuck up on everyone, but Trent is one of the greatest players GE has seen so far, and deserves the credit for his impressive rise. Will these 4 players be our final top 4 or are there a few more Bosshardts out there? It will be interesting to wait and see.

Although Wouter has been busy trying to get back lost records (and focus on points rather than goals), he pulled one record out of his arse that deserves special attention. 0:58 Jungle 00 agent is the time, blowing the standing record of 1:02 off somehwere near gayland. This time is made more amazing by the fact that it wasn't a gradual PR was actually just a 4-second PR, knocking the wind out of Wouter I'm sure. Talking to him personally before the 0:58, he expressed doubt in the possibility of 0:59 being realistic. He was right. 0:59 is ludicrous but 0:58...doable ;) Absolutely one of GE's most impressive records. I don't see this record ever being MATCHED, nevermind beaten. It's just too good to be true. Switch over to the GE ranks and look at how many people don't even have 0:58 on agent. I must say, I was excited to see Wouter get this time as I think we were all afraid that Wouter was a defeated man, in the midst of Bryan's brief capture of the points title. But, as we've said before, Wouter Jansen is the best GoldenEye player we've ever seen.

Bryan Bosshardt has also earned more than his share of merits this update. Although I prefer to focus on the new records, one particular tie grabbed attention. That time was 1:14 Frigate 00 agent which is only rivaled in flukiness by Wouter's original 1:14, lol. Bryan says this took about 70 hours (during which he only got 2 completions) realize that these times are unbelievably difficult to achieve. The tie ended GE's longest lasting untied record, one that lasted over TWO YEARS! That's a lot by our standards, n00bs. Also, Bryan was pretty low-key about his 1:32 Surface 2 00 agent but low 1:32s requires some awesome accuracy in addition to the usual luck. It was a 3-second cut, which is amazing enough.

Quite honestly, every WR deserves it's own paragraph at this point. Wouter pushed Silo 00 all the way down to 1:34, affirming his ownership of Silo once again...and Bryan knocked Dam 00 down to 2:01. TRUST ME...every second that comes off that time is an incredibly difficult feat. It's to the point where Bryan recently speculated the limit to be 2:00, not even persuaded by the hope to see 1:59. And we're talking Dam 00, a mission that seems to have reasonable degree of randomness. Simply said, we're in the age of maxes.... We've embarassed ourselves before by making such claims, but I think Dam 00 does well to show how far things have come. I'm very excited by our current title race, and am eager to see what I'll have to say at the conclusion of 2004....

On a final note, Steven Zwartjes's controversial 1:31 Aztec agent will finally be coming down next update. I left it up for one last time, so it can be properly appreciated in the event the time is real. But with it's reign threatening the all-time record, we all seemed in agreement that the time had to go. This was especially apparent by the Aztec agent efforts of Bryan and Wouter, who have grinded out 1:36 and 1:35 respectively. At this point we all agree that it simply isn't practical to think that Steve not only pulled off some totally unique Aztec strat, but that he proceeded to finish in 1:31. Current strategy basically eliminates the possibility of that, unless there are secrets Steven failed to share completely. In Wouter's 1:35 video not only does he ignore armor completely, but he takes out the launch protocal while in the exhaust bay (waiting for comp to explode) and then strafes directly to the mainframe, look-down and all. The run prior to that is basically a suicidal strafe to the black room.... If we're wrong on this, we're very sorry. But Steven hasn't spoken up in a long time, so we're doing what we think is in the best interest of the Elite. Regardless of 1:31's validity, it's a relative disrespect to our rankings at this point. If you have more thoughts on the matter, feel free to email me.

So that about wraps things up. Good job to everyone on making this year an exciting one. I'm glad I was here to be a part of it and look forward to the years to come. And finally, for those of you who didn't know, I'm working on something the Elite will definitely enjoy pretty soon...:)

The Second Come'ing

Welcome back to our GoldenEye Web site, please stay for a while and allow us to entertain you. My name is Derek Clark and this (points to Come) is Steven, my assistant, who now is responsible for 90% of the updates. But I still own him like a slave AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

...There are GoldenEye players out there. Let me tell you about them.

The battle for GE's crown is heating up, as Bryan Bosshardt continues to pile up the records. Bryan's most notable accomplishments since the last update is probably his Control times. Recall that Bryan was the one who beat Buikema's seemingly timeless 4:07, utilizing several new time savers to get 4:06 about a year ago. Returning to Control this month, Bryan went all-out--when he was done, GE had been raped of 7 sweet seconds. His times were 4:02 from 4:04 on agent, 4:18 from 4:21 on secret agent, and 4:22 from 4:24 on 00 agent. The triple marks Bryan's second untied sweep, putting him one ahead of Wouter, currently. Bryan also holds the distinction of having a record on 19 of 20 stages right now, one-upping Wouter. Also achieved for Bryan was a 1:19 on Dam secret agent, a time that has just been teasing the Elite forever it seems. This time, in particular, did some damage to rankings tables, as a dozen or so people lost another record. Finally, Bryan took out another stale secret agent record, 0:53 Bunker 2, which dates back to the Lavery era, lol. The new time is 0:52, not surprisingly.

As for our poor Wouter Jansen, it is not an entirely lamentable update. Wouter still has a 15-pt edge in the general rankings and a 3-record edge in the record rankings. Bryan did manage to surpass Wouter in agent and secret agent time, but Wouter still holds the lead in overall time. Wouter's been active too, retrieving a few lost records (1:09 Bunker 1 00 and 1:15 Silo SA) and most recently took back his Silo reputation, nipping another second off 00, down to 1:36. He's still very active, 10 miles under the surface of the earth in his secret GE lab. Bryan, meanwhile, is likely hooked up to a Mountain Dew IV, playing GE with equal fervor. We are witnessing quite a race for #1, so kick your feet up and enjoy it. It's been a while since the GE Elite has seen a 1-2 battle; I must say that we're quite privileged to still be seeing this kind of activity after all these years.

Graham Morris has also been keeping things interesting. Although he established no new 00 agent strat paradigms (like last update), he did pull a few l33t records, 0:25 Bunker 2 agent and 0:23 Runway secret agent. Right now he's only a few points out of 3rd in the general rankings. It should also be noted that Trent Hovis has been brewing a Depot 00 surprise for several days now, and given the insane commitment (and outcome) we saw from Dam 00, we're all curious to see what he settles for. Finally, Paul George is back on board with 0:23 Runway agent. Paul, I think I once knew where you lived, but I can't be bothered with investigating it. I'll assume UK. Email me or something. If I get no word by next update, you shall be banished to Gayland along with Jimbo.

Again, much thanks to Come for spurring on another update with his generous contributions of time. As long as he's co-piloting, updates should remain relatively frequent (measured in weeks and not seasons). See ya!

"We'll see who's first by the end of our lives..."

Hello once again, glad to be back with you all. Today I've come to report the happenings in the world of GoldenEye over the past 4 months. Without further ado, I bring you...the GoldenEye World Records!

The title of today's update is something most of you are familiar's Wouter's signature on the PDE message board. However, I don't think Wouter's merely taunting us. I believe he means it. I have evidence to support my case:

Exhibit A: Wouter's record total reaches an all time high, 52 records (22 untied).
Exhibit B: Wouter's total time comes within seconds of catching the Elite's overall time.

In fact, Wouter is beating the entire world. The Elite's overall time, without Wouter's times is a scant 1:19:16, which means that Wouter is actually 22 seconds faster than the rest of the Elite put together! (This was once true for Paragon in PD, but not by such an impressive margin). Obviously, Wouter has come closer to finishing the unfinishable, to achieving the unachievable, eating the unedible....completing the "GoldenEye Project." At the end of our lives, Wouter will be ranked #1 at GE, the suspense...simply is not killing me.

The damage is moderate; 5 untied records, 10 total. Casualties, 0. However, we do have a report of a missing controversy over GE's #1 player. Fortunately, we've recovered a few details of what has happened. Aztec SA has been pushed neatly under the 1:50 mark, and Aztec 00 has been pushed brutishly under the 2:00 mark, currently residing at a scandalous 1:56 (yee-ow!). Randy's chance at fame is tarnished by the loss of his last untied, as Wouter menacingly PRs with 1:07 Bunker 2 00 agent, using secret tunnels--and a gun with bullets in it. Lastly, it appears the Cavernous gap between 1st and 2nd can be traced to ...Caverns. It is believed that this was the location of 2 more untied records, one being a highly un-sub-2:00, but still sexy. Confused? Don't be. Wouter is g-good, and you are n-n-not. Did I stutter? Yes, yes I did. Low self confidence.


The last few months have been highlighted by some new names shaking up the rankings. These uber-n00bers have stirred up some serious attention on the boards. The rankingss were shaken, but not stirred, the boards stirred and not shaken. Are you taking notes? I hope not, that would be weird. Anyway. First there is Dan Berube, Tyler Probert's eccentric underling. He set out tenaciously to get respect, and retrieved it by equalling the Bosshawg with 0:53 Dam agent. He's since accumulated several impressive agent records. Then there was Trent Hovis. Trent was quietly moving up the rankings when suddenly he has a Bosshardt moment and unearthed a big time saver on Statue. Instant popularity, folks. Trent had achieved a 2:25 with his new time saver, but it would only be matter of days before Bosshardt buried the competition with a hearty 2:21 on SA and 00. And so I say, R.I.P to thee oh Statue Master (a reference to myself folks). Trent, you stole my heart, then you stole my Statue. Alas... I hate you. Joking of course! ...You never stole my heart. Ohhhh (that belongs to Matthijs of course.) On a serious note, Trent earns a POM for his noteworthy discovery, good job. Our last very special n00b is someone very dear to me. Well, no. Steve Bryze has been a one-man army, playing Streets relentlessly for a while now. Suddenly, we all noticed the fruit of his labors--1:13 Streets agent!! Steve is fairly new around here, so he earns the diluted honor of becoming GE's lowest ranked player with an untied record (amazingly, he dwells in a lowly 86th place, where the light of Wouter's firstness shines dimly). Odds are, he will not remain their long. Cheers to the newbs and God bless GoldenEye *spills beer*. Contrary to sober belief, I am popular. Wait..

Somewhere lost in the shadow of Wouter, there remains the Elite's upstart, Bryan Bosshardt. As mentioned, he has rendered Statue mercilessly smitten, an empty shell of a mission now. Bryan also delivered a BEAUTIFUL 1:09 Bunker 1 00 agent to the GE community, so neatly skipping past 1:10 by a stroke of serendipity that happened to also take the overall time to 1:18:59. Of course, 1:19:00 is a thing of the past. Hell, it's been months since Wouter has left its wreckage in his wake by his own times alone. Thanks to Hovis's strat advance, the GE Elite's total is all the way down to 1:18:32. Despite the usual talk of limits, it seems to keep on sputtering its way downward. Right now activity is dwindling in GE, but this is largely due to Wouter and Bryan focusing on PD for a little while. Wouter will be back soon enough (in time for the next update I'm willing to bet, lol) and Bryan probably isn't finished with GE just yet.

Regarding the site and the aftermath of all these impressive new records, the site records page (aka has seen quite a few changes, most of which reflect Wouter's impressive GoldenEye coup. On the facts page the high/low ranked players for record holding has changed quite a bit, and needless to saw the awards page is fraught with new reading material (including a POW-less week, lol). That basically wraps things up, so have a look around and enjoy the update! If you're name is Hugh Simmons (IMevolving), please create a times page (contact Bryan Youse if questions, hehe). If you're Bruno Giacomini, you only posted one of your records in the WR topic which seems odd. Email me with an explanation, combined with your location. Preferably the latter. Same goes for Hugh, Steve Bryze, Trent Hovis, Paul George, Steve Foy, and Tim Dubovsky. And this is a shout-out ot Greg Woll. Greg Woll.

And yes, I'm playing GE, sorta.


Another Cold Day in Hell

Well. I guess this site is immortal afterall. The saga continues....

It's been a long three months, and there has been no shortage of excitement in the GoldenEye Elite. Only 850 new records to report...(actually 60, the most ever in a single update). Since the last update, Wouter Jansen has been ripping the game to shreds, seemingly finished with his spree of look-down records. Turning his focus to the game's latter half, he has scored a dozen or so unbelievable untied records, sweeping several missions in the process. His efforts have earned him the second annual 2002 "Clark Award", best player of the year (POY). He has won the POM for each of the three months since the last update, so he was a no-brainer for Best Player Winter 2002-2003. Apparently Wouter is good at GoldenEye.

So what kind of times earned this kind of praise? For one, he became the first player to hold each of the 60 records at least once--wow! But let's track his performance chronologically. First, he perfected the Cradle records, with his 0:35 Cradle agent highlighting the 'trifecta'. Then he moved on to Jungle and finally dethroned Karl Jobst there, achieving 0:58 and 1:02 on SA and 00, respectively, equally impressive. Next was Train, where Wouter shocked even himself by getting 2:11 on Train 00 agent; Greneby's 2:13 had garnered an almost mythical reverence for well over a year now. Wouter knocked Train agent down to 1:08, an unheard-of 3-second agent cut. He finished off the sweep by edging past Eise with 1:44 on SA. Wouter was only warming up. Things started off nice on Control, when Wouter surprised himself again with 4:04 Control agent, another multiple-second cut on an agent mission. Then he took down GoldenEye's longest lasting record, beating Zwartjes's legendary 4:25 Control 00 agent (592-day reign). Naturally, he finished the sweep with 4:22 Control SA, momentarily one-upping Bosshardt. Wouter is currently hoarding, but was unable to hold in news of his 1:56 Aztec 00, a massive 7-second rip on the old record and an 11-second improvement on his own total time. And, coming to you first, Wouter also has improved on SA, but his time is a secret. No, of course it's not, he got 1:52.

Of course, Bryan Bosshardt did not fail to get attention in the last few months. Bryan has been piling up records, moving him easily into the GEE's #2 position (as well as #2 among record leaders). Bryan built much of his respect on his ability to max out routine missions; he had one more in store for us recently. In the course of a few weeks, Bryan picked up 3 times we weren't even sure we're possible: 0:56 Archives SA, 0:56 Archives 00, and the impossible, 0:16 Archives agent. A reminder, these times have been validated by me (recipient of tape) for any skeptics that may remain. For anyone that thinks Bryan is one-dimensional,'re very wrong. His recent records reflect the solidity of his talents, as he broke the Control SA record and tied the Bunker 2 SA record, both requiring great shooting accuracy. Bryan has done his part to keep things interesting around here; Wouter surely knows that if he puts down the controller, he may actually lose his #1. So the new rivalry is born.

As for the rest of the GE community, Graham Morris, Matthijs ten Ham, and Adam Moore have been active in the top 10, PRing consistently throughout the last few months. We are all very excited to have Matthijs back, and even more pleased to see he hasn't lost his touch. Graham Morris has proven he is one of GE's best, his highlight PR being a flawless 0:35 Cradle agent. And Adam Moore is finally getting the respect he deserves, having achieved an untied record, 1:26 Caverns secret agent. Not to be forgotten is Harvey Manhood who is making a serious push at the top 10, with several new records to his name. In the n00b department, Dan Berube, a friend of Tyler Probert, really opened some eyes by joining the elite few with 0:26 Depot agent. Needless to say, his potential piques the interest of most. He currently is adhering strongly to his goal of 0:53 Dam agent, or so I've been lead to believe. Jean-François Dubreuil is back on the rankings, with the acquisition of 0:18 Bunker. Lastly, newcomer Trent Hovis has picked up a pair of records to assert his abilities. It seems that having 2 records is pretty trendy these days, as 25 players currently claim this total (have a glance at the rankings). For most, these are Bunker 1 agent and Runway agent--with Wouter and Bryan on the loose, these records have been added to the endangered times list. *sniffs* I smell an ethnic cleansing coming on, people with 2 WRs, you should probably evacuate now, lol. *...mass exodus of n00bs...* I suspect the WR table is going to be much smaller soon.

Well, that about wraps it up. For general news, GE's total time is currently at 1:19:01, so expect the milestone to be achieved any day now (...and I remember when 1:20:00 was a joke--not that long ago, was it?). As for the site, it turned 2 years old February 21st, yay! Hopefully she'll make it through year #3, but I'm not making any promises, lol. We'll take it one update at a time.... For now, enjoy the update, there's a ton of updated information all over the place (e.g., oldest records page got a large makeover, including revision of Jungle historical data in acknowledgement of the Makepeace Jungle Incident, hahah...). Only the tip of the iceberg, so have a look around, it may be the last update I ever make. Hopefully, there's more GE updating glory in my future! Maybe one day I'll even pick up my controller.......and put it away, because I trip on the wire sometimes when I'm walking by the TV.


Rockin' the Cradle one last time.

Our good Dutch friend Wouter has made news just in time for the update. Wouter's been busy working on his video page and now he's finally finished. He picked up right where he left off (recall Surface 2 and Depot dominance) and turned his attention to Cradle. In the span of just a couple days, Wouter beat not one, but all three Cradle records! SA and 00 are impressive, but not totally unexpected...but 0:35 Cradle agent is just awesome. The video should be up by the time this is updated, so be sure to check it out (available at Wouter's page). Wouter comfortably earned Best Player Fall 2002, congratulations. The award is Wouter's 4th seasonal award, to compliment 8 POMs, 23 POWs, and the 2001 POY. And that's not all. Wouter's 0:38 Cradle 00 is the 6th time he has shaved a second off the Cradle 00 record. Also, Wouter set a new record for most untied SA records at once (7) and has now been credited with his 38th untied record held at least once, with the removal of Craig's 0:55 Surface 2 SA. Another result of that action is Wouter tying the 0:15 margin on SA time.

There was a shakeup on Jungle, but only the Aussies were invited. Craig Makepeace redeemed his abilities by getting 0:55 on agent to start. Then Adam Moore got the same time almost immediately. Karl Jobst, busy with PD, decided he needed to go reaffirm his Jungle reputation by getting 0:54 the next day, restoring his Jungle sweep. Adam Moore was quoted as saying "@#%! you I hate you" to Karl, but don't hold me to that. (It should be noted that Craig Makepeace took down his best 3 times amidst proof questioning - 0:55 Surface 2 SA, 1:00 Jungle SA, 1:04 Jungle 00 - hmm...).

And finally, Tyler Probert stunned everyone by nonchalantly posting 0:26 Depot in the WR topic recently. He is just the 3rd player to get the time, and the other 2 are pretty good.... Adam Moore, who's climbed to 5th in the rankings, picked up the record too, along with 1:04 Surface 1 agent. And no, we did not forget Matthijs. He has fended off Moore with a pair of records of his own, great job to Matthijs and all!

Oh, and guys...when I make mistakes, tell me. I had the Silo SA record down for being untied for 3367 days. It's been a while, but probably not 9 years.

One name above others

Wouter Jansen has won the last 4 POWs. He has amassed 8 300-pt stages, and has distanced himself 72 points and 15 records from the nearest competitor. Half of GE's untied records are of his doing. Clearly, the debate over GE's #1 is over.

Wouter's latest projects were Depot and Surface 2. With lookdown aiding his efforts, Wouter managed to get all 3 records on each, with 3 new untied records. First, he pushed Depot SA down to 0:44. Then he tied Randy's hard-earned 0:52 on 00 agent, but he was not satisfied. Eventually he squeezed out a 0:51, leaving the rest of the top players 2 or 3 seconds behind (and scratching our heads). Next he moved to Surface 2, where he tied the A and SA records (if you still count Makepeace's 0:55), then took down his already untied 00 record to 1:35 (he said he lost a few seconds on camera 3).

There's really no telling what's in store for us in the weeks to come. But with Bosshardt taking a GE break, I wouldn't be surprised if Wouter continued to thrive. If he can keep his pace, he will threaten some of his site records from the "glory days". For example, he tied his record for the most untied SA records at any given time, with 6. That record, among others, has been around for quite some time. It appears that the Wouter has utilized lookdown in all the levels that feature stretches of strafing, but I think his confidence will carry over to non-lookdown missions. Only Wouter knows.

P.S. - Soon I'll have to change the address to

Wouter rises to the occasion

We all know Wouter Jansen has a lot of pride about his GoldenEye abilities, but he has reserved the right to feel this way. Every time his "throne" has been threatened or taken in the past few years, Wouter went on a record spree to solidify his reputation as the best. Bryan Bosshardt is the latest challenger, suddenly a few pts out of 4th in GE, and past the great Karl Jobst in record total. It appears we were not, in fact, getting ahead of ourselves when we projected Bryan to make the top 3 or even challenge Randy or Wouter's positions. Randy must not be too worried; we haven't seen him in action for a few months. Wouter, on the other hand, is being motivated by the upstart Bosshardt. He wants us to know that no matter what Bryan's accomplished lately, he's still the best. As of late, no one's arguing.

So what has Wouter done lately? We'll start with Surface 1. Recall last that I mentioned on front page that it appeared look-down was largely to credit for Bryan's 1:52s (after watching his tape). I think people took notice. First, out of nowhere, Graham Morris got a 1:52, a very impressive time for him. The same day the timeless Garrett Sellati got 1:52s on both difficulties. This obviously got Wouter's attention. He tied the 1:52s, also picking up the 1:04 on agent. Both Bryan and Wouter spoke of close calls on 1:51s.... A few days later Bryan got 1:51 on secret agent, beating Wouter to the punch. Or did he? Wouter posted having both 1:51s achieved the next day! Currently, Bryan has not gotten 1:51 on 00 agent. Wouter now talks of getting 1:50s, but I think he has moved on. Nonetheless, it appears that for now Wouter has won this head-to-head battle with Bryan.

Meanwhile, Wouter has been playing Egyptian like a man on a mission. He has completed his amazing 0:47 sweep, but not before over a week of off and on play. The SA and 00 are the first untied records Wouter has ever had on Egyptian. And poor Matthijs...he got 0:48 Egyptian SA less than 24 hours before Wouter got 0:47. Truly, the unluckiest guy in the world.


Bryan Bosshardt, Peter Osterland, and Wouter Jansen are unstoppable. Right now it's anyone's guess as to what record they'll break next. Dam 0:53? Done. Surface 1 1:04? Done. Depot 0:26? Done! GoldenEye's longest-lasting untied? Gone.

Bosshardt has been especially impressive with 4 untied records in the past couple weeks. Peter has also elevated his name greatly with 2 untied agent records, both catching the Elite by surprise. Wouter meanwhile has been continuing his endless assault on GE's total time, lowering his own total time to 1:20:59, another landmark achievement. These three clearly have the GE world glued to the WR topic, waiting for the next record to fall. Look-down is proving to be the catalyst for the next great GE frontier.

The new age of Streets | Four stunning records.

In the wake of the look-down strat's discovery, WRs are starting to finally slow down a little bit on Streets. Matthijs and I were able to complete (temporary) Street sweeps, while Wouter completed his with 1:57s on SA and 00. Then Bosshardt blew us all away with the announcement of 1:56 Streets secret agent. I believe Bryan was the only one who gave much thought to attempting record, so when he posted it, we were all stunned. He's yet to complete the sweep, but he appears to be content having left his mark, much as he did on Surface 1 agent.

Speaking of leaving a mark, I finally followed through on my Egyptian goal. My new record is 0:47 Egyptian agent, and the video is available through's newest movie page (hopefully). I knew I could get this time, and Bosshardt's timesaver made it fairly easy, honestly. I'm not sure if I will attempt 0:47s on the others, though I'll admit I did briefly.

In the whide whorld of whoard, Craig Makepeace dropped a few incredible times on us before announcing his retirement. The big one was 1:04 Jungle 00 agent, surpassing Karl's notorious 1:05. He tied Karl's 1:00 on SA too, so GE's longest-lasting records page has undergone heavy changing once again. On a side note, Craig did not get a POW for his 5 records because they were whoarded, and he did indicate that the Jungle times had been "lying around" or something to that effect. I won POW for that week, and I just wanted to clarify this...I realized it looked a little suspicious.

And lastly, Wouter Jansen is still piling up records. His big record for this update is 1:08 Frigate secret agent, completing his sweep of superhuman Frigate times. His efforts earned him yet another POW, good job.

Be sure to check out all the new records and recordholders, and all the changes made throughout the site. I don't get paid you know, so that means you're obligated to do so--immediately. Trust me on this.

You decide.

So much has happened the last few weeks, I couldn't put my finger on an appropriate title for the update. You may select your own:

"Best player Summer 2002: Bryan Bosshardt"
"The Elite blows by 1:20:00"
"Randy Buikema becomes Streetsweeper"
"Look-down = Let-down. Records reconsidered."
"14 days, 46 records!?"
"Longest Lasting Records Lasting no Longer"

As you can see, there was far too much wit present to contain into one title. Allow me to followup on each of those.

So why the big shakeup in GoldenEye? Well, GE's top 3 players are active, and that doesn't include the unpredictable Bryan Bosshardt. To further fuel these players, new strat innovations are popping up left and right, several key ideas coming from who other than the Bosshawg.

The big news lately is the aftermath of John Kaleta and his "look-down" strat. His confusing posts on the Elite's message board hampered his credibility, but suddenly the Elite collectively has their foot in their mouth. What's the big news? Looking down at the ground while strafing (roughly 45 degrees) is slightly faster than level pitch. But that's ridiculous right? No, the explanation is simple. The view of the ground is much less complex than what you'd see normally, and therefore the game does not have to work nearly has hard to generate Bond's first-person vision. If too much is going on in the game, it lags a little bit, and the framerate decreases, costing fractions of seconds. The game timer, unfortunately, is operating independently and is unaffected by framerate and lag, so that time you think you lost, you REALLY DID lose.

We still don't know all the implications of this new discovery, but we do know that records are going to fall. Streets has been impacted the hardest, not surprisingly, with all 3 records already broken. Bosshardt got an unbelievable 1:52 on Surface 1 00 agent, possibly helped by the trick. Makepeace came out of nowhere with 2 awesome untied records, likely influenced by the trick, too. Bryan claims that he believes it only has a noticeable effect on about 3 missions, but I fear the reality is much more grim. It may be hard to tell if it's helping us on other missions because we're not replicating the quality runs we had on our previous personal bests. I think time will prove that this trick saves time, even when we can't tell--no matter what the stage. Maybe it's good for the Elite, but suddenly there's no telling how good any record is, and how close it is to being maxed. Personally, I miss the days where we subconsciously felt like we were working toward an agreed set of unnamed "maxed" times....instead of an ongoing rat race to make our game pak's save times that are simply faster than old ones.

Bosshardt continues to amaze

The big news these days is the phenomenal performance of newcomer Bryan Bosshardt. After making a memorable entrance into the Elite with his Aztec strat, he's not disappointing anyone, racking up the points and snagging some records along the way. Bryan caught my attention when he started getting 2:27s on Statue. The next day, 2:26 on 00 and secret agent. Suddenly (but inevitably) the reign of my fabled record was over. A few days later Bryan completed his unexpected sweep. BUT--not before picking up a few 1:58s on Streets in his spare time. Right now some of GoldenEye's finest players are losing sleep trying to pick up 1:58s, assuming if Bosshardt got it, so could they. I think what we're all starting to realize is that Bryan isn't just a good strafer, but he's truly a good player, who doesn't let his rank scare him out of attempting to innovate and pursue difficult records. The mood on the message boards is apparent--we're all waiting to see what Bryan posts next. And in case you missed it, I got his tape. So, Bryan is for real!

GoldenEye's total time is on the brink of the impossible, currently settled at 1:20:00. Randy's playing, Matthijs is playing, out there, Peter's playing, and Bryan Bosshardt is unpredictable, so I think it's safe to say 1:19:59 lies in the days (if not hours) to come.

Randy Buikema did not let his unhoard stop his activity in GE. Despite rumors he would retire, Randy is still quite active. His latest untied is an incredible 1:09 Bunker 2 00 agent, a run that would be artwork to watch, I'm sure. With that record, Randy finally has repassed Wouter for #1 in record total! I think the title of "Best GE Player" is no longer in dispute.

Approaching 1:19:59.

After the latest pair of new records from Randy Buikema, the Elite's total time is down to 1:20:05. Not long ago I was wondering when we'd eke out 1:20:59, but the new Aztec strat has changed everything. Since it was first released, 1 minute and 15 seconds have come off the Aztec records total (0:25/0:24/0:26). The current records are 1:31/1:53/2:03. The agent and 00 agent records are held by Steven Zwartjes, who finally updated the rumored records. Because Zwartjes was using a more difficult and faster strat (which we know little about), his 1:31 Aztec agent has gone into our "holy-f*cking-shit, no one's beating that record" category. Zwartjes has been known for baffling us...throughout the years he has made a name for himself in setting jaw-dropping records. With regard to Aztec secret agent, Karl Jobst definitely shocked some people when he got 1:53 when the standing record was 2:02. Wouter Jansen has since tied that record. The two untied records by Randy I eluded to earlier are 0:48 Facility agent (finally!) and 2:04 Dam 00 agent. Randy claims that one of his two 0:48s (yep...) was a little slow at certain spots, the same being true for his 2:04. In both cases, I believe he's not exaggerating.

As most all of you know, Hoardfest 2002 has come to an end. Randy, Karl, and I finally released "whoarded" times, each of us having about 5 new records. Randy's notable records include tying Karl's 0:23 Runway secret agent, and squeaking out a 1:03 on Caverns agent. I watched him play Train agent personally, and after witnessing a few 1:10 failed runs, I think it's safe to say that Tim and Karl are lucky to keep their 1:13 as a record. For Karl's whoard, he tied 2 of Illinois' finest untied records, Bunker 2 0:25 and 0:53 (A and SA, respectively). He also was the first to beat Wouter's long-lasting 1:11 Frigate secret agent. And finally, for my whoard, I was the first to sweep Egyptian with 0:48s (I was already working on Egyptian when Karl found the new strat). The rest of my records are pretty common.

Well, as you can tell, there are a ton of records added this update, so just be sure to scan down the list. There was a surprising amount of untied records this past month, though Aztec warped that a bit. More alarming to me is the number of players with records, up to 55. And also, the number of untied records overall dropped as low as 24 (now at 25). One must wonder, is GE finally nearing "maxed"? Few records show ANY more than a few seconds improvement (excluding the hazy Aztec records...and the potential for an insane SA strat record on Caverns 00). The number of record holders suggests that agent is getting very longer are those 30+ holder records getting cleared out by insane records, because times like 0:26 Depot agent and 0:22 Runway agent are most likely impossible. However, one thing cannot be denied. The best players are active and getting better. As long as that remains true, we'll never know where the they could take us.

An error

The first player who got 2:22 on Aztec 00 agent was Tim Greneby. Wouter Jansen was incorrectly credited with the time.


We theorized, we debated, we spread rumors, but never did we think it would really happen. In case you missed it, we have a new strat. Not a "oh, go left instead of right, I think it's faster" strat, but we're talking a new mental approach to a mission. The mission is Aztec, all difficulties. We all knew that if we could figure out a way to open the locked glass door, the mission would be much easier and much faster (skipping Jaws). The innovator was an unlikely suspect, an unfamiliar name: Bryan Bosshardt. He emailed Greg, interested in joining the elite. He has competed before, but years back...this time he had a few WR ties, but he included with his email his own "safe strat" of sorts for Aztec. The strat was a remarkably clever and elaborate method of luring guards to the glass, and having them open it in confusion after you've successfully "hidden" from them (go to the message boards if you still don't know). Turns out he wasn't joking...and whether or not he knew it, we definitely knew the records were going to be beaten immediately. And oh, how they were. Here's a timeline of the new Aztec world records, up to now:


      1:55* Aztec agent - Vincent Rolin
      1:55  Aztec agent - Vitor Miranda
      1:53* Aztec agent - Vitor Miranda
      1:52* Aztec agent - Vitor Miranda
      1:50* Aztec agent - Vitor Miranda
      1:50  Aztec agent - Matthijs ten Ham
      1:48* Aztec agent - Matthijs ten Ham
      1:45* Aztec agent - Matthijs ten Ham
      1:44* Aztec agent - Wouter Jansen

Secret Agent

      2:09* Aztec secret agent - Greg Woll
      2:09  Aztec secret agent - Garrett Sellati
      2:05* Aztec secret agent - Vitor Miranda
      2:03* Aztec secret agent - Wouter Jansen
      2:03  Aztec secret agent - Adam Moore
      2:02* Aztec secret agent - Graham Morris

00 Agent

      2:28* Aztec 00 agent - Matthijs ten Ham
      2:25* Aztec 00 agent - Wouter Jansen
      2:22* Aztec 00 agent - Tim Greneby
      2:22  Aztec 00 agent - Adam Moore

For his incredible contribution to the elite, and all of GoldenEye, Bryan wins the POM for June. Don't forget that he's up to 6 agent records already (including 1:05 Surface 1 agent...twice!?). All of this, from a name that was unknown a few weeks prior. Hence the update's title, "Unbelievable."

For traditional records, Jim Söderlund is heating up, with 3 agent ties. When they weren't getting new Aztec records, Vitor Miranda and Vincent Rolin were stirring up their rivalry with some agent records of their own. And yes, who could forget the flying Dutchman? Matthijs ten Ham notched a 0:39 Runway 00 agent with CC to conclude the records segment.

There's a very cool page added, it's REALLY old school records. I got the February 2001 records on here, but how about the summer of 1998, the game not even a year old (I think...). I found Caverns SA most interesting, with only one player under 4:00, Steven Zwartjes...who happened to be under 3:00...and under 2:00 (1:59). I bet they thought he was God for that time. I also noticed that all 20 00 agent records are untied and that all three Cradle records are exactly 8 seconds slower than the current records...interesting. To access the new page, go to "Oldest Records," and the link appears front and center.

And in some closing notes, the Aztec strat has taken us under 1:21:00 sooner than expected, in an almost unsatisfying manner. I figured the limit under the current strats was 1:21:00...I was probably right, but "current strats" has now been redefined. Suddenly, entertaining the sub-1:20 range is no longer unreasonable. I think we have enough vulnerable 00 agent records to make it happen, not to mention the extremely unstable Aztec. Only 52 seconds to go, till we all eat our words.

Finally, be sure to glance at the Site Records, there were an uncharacteristically abundant number of changes made there, highlighted in gold as always, for your viewing pleasure. And it's 20 letters, but I bet you already counted you freak.

Golden Graham! Greneby Greatness!

Alliteration? Puns? What more could you people ask from a title? Yeah, I guess rhyming would've been good. I'll work on it for next time. Without further ado, let the artificial praise begin.

The big untied record for the update is by Tim Greneby, who after the usual bitter battle, achieved his Aztec 00 agent goal, by getting a 2:29. Zwartjes' record falls after over a year, but too bad there isn't a longest-lasting records page for GoldenEye. OR IS THERE? Yes! There is! After various important people in the elite requested this page, I finally gave in and made it. See that link button "Oldest Records"? There's the new page! And sorry for the new font on the button, the font I originally used is actually completely gone from my hard drive, an amazingly mysterious and annoying event.

Continuing with the records, Graham Morris earns an appearance in the update's title because of his second surge of GE records. He has three new records, and combined with his previous efforts in the past few months, Graham Morris is our unlikely Best Player Spring 2002! Be proud of this award, because soon the giants of GE will awaken. Nonetheless, the numbers clearly point to Graham, great job! Tim Greneby wins runnerup for his sporadic record-getting.

Craig Makepeace and Gary Carney both made solid comeback efforts, netting 2 records apiece. Greg Woll also surprised us with a record out of retirement.

Garrett Sellati took Frigate SA off the new page for oldest records by tying Wouter's 1:11, well done! Tying such a durable record is a feat to be proud of. Also getting records this update are Europeans Matthijs ten Ham and Martijn Kool. Matt became the second player to break 0:50 on Egyptian 00 agent, while Martijn added his name to the elite list of players holding 0:17 Archives agent. And that's it for new records.

I considered redesigning the awards page before deciding I couldn't come up with a better method. Do any of you think its navigation is inconvenient? If so, what are your suggestions for a new format? Email me at with suggestions. If I don't get any, I'll assume no one cares and leave it as it is, which would be less work and that's always good, no? Anyway, time to sign off again. The site should roll over to 20,000 hits soon, it leaves a tear in my eye. Not because I'm proud but because I know that at least 10,000 of those are mine.



Well maybe not entirely. I'll assume it's Hoardfest 2002 right now, no one can kick the GE habit completely.... Just three records added, some easy POW awards handed out. It's been 3 weeks, just wanted to prove I'm not being lazy with the site again. Soon there will be some huge hoard postings I think.

Egyptian Madness!

Hey, it's only been like 5 days since the last update! What? Two weeks? Oh.

The big news for the update is the surprising developments on Egyptian. All three records have been beaten in an unexpected chain of events. First, it was me, Derek Clark who somehow brought symmetry to Egypt by getting a flukemaniacal 0:49 Egyptian 00 agent. It was more surprising because I did not shoot the second baron from where Randy does, which one can argue saves as much as a second. I was going for the record of 0:50, so please no more teasing--if I was going for 0:49 I would've been busting out all the tricks (ie, killing the baron from 1 step further away). Regardless, the record was mine to accompany my new 0:49 on agent. And an awesome time it was (note past tense in use), my first non-Statue untied record Then, Karl Jobst came forward with his rumored times, 0:48 Egyptian agent and 0:48 Egyptian secret agent! Karl warned us that he had a new strat, and evidentally he does. Looks like the biggest Egyptian mystery is no longer the pyramids *hearty chuckle* [/first of many bad jokes] Lucky for me, he still has 0:50 on 00 agent so I get to put my name up all by itself :) On the tragic end, is Adam Moore who tied the agent and 00 agent records shortly before these records were reported. On the brighter side, he was aware that they were not records when he got them. But there's Moore [/worst joke so far] He got a nice 0:39 Runway 00 agent. The new Egyptian records haven't updated yet, so Adam finds himself in 11th, good job! Anyway, that's all for Egyptian. *successfully has resisted urge to use phrase "strafe like an Egyptian"....* ...Dammit.

The remaining news consists of some 0:25 Frigate agent victims, just the usual European suspects, Matthijs ten Ham, Eise Smit, and Tim Greneby, picking up the time in that order. Greneby had two others, 0:36 Cradle agent and finally 1:15 Streets agent, giving him good points in his pursuit of Karl. *successfully has resisted urge to use phrase "the man that rocked the Cradle"...* ...Dammit.

*Feeling good about spontaneous rhetoric* See you next time!

YES!!! Back and updated.

In the facts & info section you may've noticed "this site is immortal" on the bulleted list. Keep that in mind. So what if I'm updating at a logarithmic pace? Next update will be sometime next year. The one after that will be in 2070. Actually, with set up, and classes coming to an end, I might start making updates every week or two, depending on the volume of records. Bah, @#$! it, 2070 it is.

The big news I should share is that we have a player of the year. As you probably guessed, Wouter Jansen has won the award uncontested. Check the awards page and read exactly why Wouter earned the distinction of the best GE player ever (up to now at least...). Graham Morris is a surprise Player of the Month winner for March, but the choice was actually easy when you look at the performance of other players. Graham deserves the award for his incredible campaign in GoldenEye over the last few months.

Due to the ridiculous volume of records recorded in the last 2 months, I won't be talking about them. I will say that Control finally has regained aestheticity, thanks to Randy Buikema and a 4:24. Also, Caverns 00 took 2 blows, nearing the sub-2:00 impossible zone. First, David Gibbons, better known as "Marshmallow," completed his return to the top with a 2:04, his first untied record in GoldenEye. Tim Greneby took it down to 2:02 a few days later, but not before he broke the Bunker 2 00 agent record by 2 seconds. Eise Smit just revived his train reputation with his first untied record in over a year, 1:45 Train SA. This is the part where I click "save", upload the new pages, then have a good cry.

The time is here.

The news from 3.20 was making reference to the opening of the Construction of the movie pages is still occupying my time, but once the-elite is set up, it will take care of itself mostly (Greg Lavery will do all his usual updating). This site will get its update eventually, and they should become regular from that point forward. The neglect of this site was as a result of the preparation of the new site though, primarily acquiring and sorting and renaming the movie files, nevermind making HTML pages for them. What a task.... Makes updating this page look like writing a report for 3rd grade. Why am I still writing? Why are you still reading? Oh, I guess it's just that classic bitter sarcasm.

The time is near.

Something important is in the making...this site's been ignored meanwhile. But there will be an update like never before soon. You'll see.

Table alignment problem fixed, glitchy typos ...remedied

I also updated the records from the past 2 days.

No, of course not. What am I? Greg Lavery?

One year old | Wouter gets Winter 2001-2002 award

Well here it is, one year later, and my site's gone from 600 hits a week and weekly updates to 600 hits a month and monthly updates! I figured, my GoldenEye career is washed up, why not my GoldenEye website! Let's get to work.

Wouter Jansen adds to his trophy cabinet with his 3rd season award in only one year. Congratulations Wouter on your unrivaled consistency at the top of the charts. As far as new records go, Wouter only has one this month, but it bears some significance upon closer evaluation. His time is 4:26 Control secret agent (Steven's 4:25 points and laughs). It is a record though, and it turns out that this is the last record Wouter had never held on secret agent. Only two to go overall. With his 2 Control PRs, Wouter breaks some total time records, not surprisingly. Have a look.

This month's standout performer is the new and improved Tim Greneby, winning POM thanks to a late charge marked by 2:17 Aztec secret agent (Mat's failed 2:13 leaves the room) Tim also tied Wouter's new 4:26 Control secret agent and also got 0:25 Bunker 1 secret agent, not too shabby of a time.

One of the biggest surprise times came from Ben "better than you give me credit for being" Southward. These week he silenced the critics (his parents) with 1:03 Caverns agent!!! (Wouter's 1:03 curses in surprise) Ben gets a POW for it. In other news, Gary Carney reminds everyone that he is in the top 5 with 1:20 Dam secret agent. In hot pursuit, Garrett Sellati added 0:39 Cradle 00 agent to his total. And who could forget Adam Moore who includes himself with the elite strafe artists with 0:17 Archives agent. Greg Lavery got some record, who cares, so did newcomer Graham Morris who debuts with 2 records! Nice job Graham. Matthijs ten Ham elevated his agent reputation with 0:36 Cradle agent. Vincent Rolin, who's flying up the rankings, picked up 0:18 Bunker 1 agent (crowded room of 0:18s glare at new arrival). And finally, Martijn Kool goes Chan-style with a 0:27 Depot agent toppling.

Now...I make lots of mistakes. For example, buying Nagano Winter Olympics '98...or maybe not giving Wouter POM last month... better yet, committing myself to a website viewed by unappreciative, needy rogues... and surely other things. However, most of my mistakes are minor and go unnoticed. I managed to uncover a *few* of those from last update:

Christoph Kohlbach was listed twice in the rankings, ouch
Stephen Chan was not moved up the rankings despite the Depot ownage
I said there were 30 untied records last update when there were 29
Two random guys had WRs apparently, I was unaware (courtesy autoupdater)
I had Wouter and Randy inverted on Cradle SA
I hadn't removed Nameless Little Boy or Frickel yet, non-Eliters....
Being blind to the concept of other screen resolutions
I hadn't DLed IE 6.0 to realize everyone but me was seeing uneven tables on the mainpage
Likewise, somehow the autoupdater page became all verdana font

Surely there are a ton others. Like on the Site many records people have ever held...I give myself a 1% chance at having all those right. Everyone (Wouter) should doublecheck their numbers if they want accuracy (something which has lost its importance to me I guess, lol). Hey question--who the hell is Denis Akel? Why does he have a world record? Same for Simon Archambault! And when the hell did "Mark Lewis" become "Greg Lewis"? Can someone answer these questions? And also, don't hesitate to report errors, you know how to get in contact with me (and creating topics on missed commas isn't what I have in mind).

CHAN TOPPLES DEPOT AGENT | minor Randy comeback

Hey...I'm lazy because I never feel like updating, AND also because my leaders page is now--wait for it--automated!! Check it out, it updates on Mondays and Thursdays along with the rest of the Elite. So say goodbye to me quietly removing records of players I don't like, and say hello to the future of accuracy and "fairness". Derek Kisman, better known as Snapdragon, we have to thank for this splendid program. Also thanks to Greg Lavery for...hmmm....designing my homepage, seen here: sharpness

Anyway, the big news this update is Randy Buikema. As you can see to the left, his new bundle of records has been assigned the "I hoarded" font color, brought to you by HTML. His new times have moved him back into first place in the Elite, and greatly narrowed the gap in the records competition. In response, Wouter Jansen has disappeared to his secret GE bunker, only to return when he has 60 untied records and Randy has received his mail bomb(s). Randy's sole untied record of the bunch is 0:49 Egyptian secret agent, so we can only begin to imagine the 00 agent hell that awaits him. Meanwhile, three players lose rank positions with the loss of this record, proving again that Egyptian just is never worth it. It should be noted that Randy did have a couple other would-be untied records, but Greg Lavery is pretty sure he's better than Randy. Greg's insane PR for the update is 0:53 Bunker 2 secret agent (see records page for a laugh). Apparently Randy had 0:54 not too long before that, in what has become the greatest Randy-gets-54/Greg-gets-53 event since Depot 00 agent. Greg also completed the Illinois Bunker 2 gangbang with 1:14 Bunker 2 00 agent. Randy tied this later on, in what has been dubbed the greatest second-by-second Greg/Randy Bunker ownage since Bunker 1 00 agent. I gave Greg POM, though Randy obviously had a strong case. I don't know when Randy started hoarding these, so Greg gets this one. Also, I forgot to pick a POM for last month so Peter Osterland wins it after a careful selection process involving drunkenness and lots of arbitrary name-selecting. In seriousness, I think he deserved it. See the awards page for details. In an unrelated development, Marius Ancuta breaks the 0-point barrier, details provided as we get them.

Ben Southward has made a triumphant return to the site, and this time he's got two records (to make sure Karl doesn't beat his record 24 hours later, again). In related news, Karl plans on announcing his 0:17 Bunker 1 and 0:22 Runway agent tomorrow. Seriously though, it's good to see Ben finally secure a spot on the page, he's beat enough of my times to gain my respect. Sorry for inserting your name into a maelstrom of sarcasm and randomness. Tim Greneby ties Randy's surprisingly durable untied record 1:20 Dam secret agent. And finally, Stephen Chan ups his total one more with Depot 0:27 agent. Side note: I fixed the slight errors brought to my attention by Dan Dykstra and Greg Lavery (basically credited them with half of the records they actually had, no big deal).

And in case some of you haven't been watching CNN, I've retired from GoldenEye. I want to be able to spend more time with my wife and 5 kids. The enraged cussing was also wearing me out, and the doctors say that if I get one more blister I could lose my thumb, or maybe my life. So I think it's wise to take a break, and maybe get into coaching. So farewell emulators and playa-hataz (..?), it's time to start managing my time wisely (mainly, wake up at 1 and play Super Nintendo games and/or minesweeper until 5 AM; repeat).

Matthijsdadutchm: i love it
Matthijsdadutchm: chan topless

Greneby makes strong return | Wouter cuts total time

I'm back from Missouri, and now for your not-at-all-anticipated update.

If you're Tim Greneby, Dan Dykstra, or Wouter Jansen you actually might be interested in the events that have transpired. Those 3 players are our newest POWs, in that order. Tim tied an LTK record and tied a pair of SA records, taking away one of Randy's last untied records, but his biggest new time is 2:07 Caverns 00 agent. Now that Wouter has lost his record, maybe he'll attempt the insane SA-like 00 strat I tried to coax him into the last time we talked. Anyway, Wouter loses his record but doesn't miss a step as usual, repairing the Cradle damage done by Peter Osterland and taking back his 300 points with 0:37 on SA and 0:39 on 00. More impressively, Wouter cut two of his non-WR 00 agent times and took off 16 seconds off his 00 agent total! When you've already got the leading total, 16 seconds is a lot. Wouter's overall total is now exactly one minute off the combined total! Only a few months ago his current total was GE's total. Moving on, Dan Dykstra, our 3rd POW, earned his award indisputably by nearly pulling a Greg Woll (see Egyptian) and also threw in a 1:15 Streets agent, taking his total from 6 to 9 and his rank from 18th to 11th. One of those only took 10 minutes, wow! That must mean Dan's awesome!!! Illinois magic.

So they did good and everyone else sucks. Well almost. There are two new players, but neither are officially new.... They are David Gibbons and Claude Boucher. David Gibbons is Marshmallow, one of PD's first prominent players, missing in action all of 2001 I believe. He makes his valiant return with...GoldenEye? His first record is 0:54 Dam agent. Claude Boucher used to have a spot on the site with Runway SA, and now he's back with 0:23 Runway agent. The last record to mention is by the site's infamously low-ranked recordholder, Christoph Kohlbach. He preceded Claude with Runway agent's record.

My site's future consists of getting about 0.7 visitors a day thanks to the damn movies. I always knew you were just using me for them. Yes you. *leaves*

Peter Osterland sweeps Cradle! | Randy returns

Hey there, I have very little time right now, so I'll right an extremely long update and then regret it when my girlfriend yells at me. The main story for this week is easily the surprising performance of Peter Osterland. After last update's surprising tie of Wouter's Cradle agent record, Peter stuck to it and tied Wouter's 0:39 Cradle secret agent and then shocked even himself by getting 0:39 Cradle 00 agent the next day! Peter's first untied record came on his first grenade of the day on his first run of the day! He opportunistically killed Trev, survived the run, and added a nice sub-40 symmetry to the Cradle records, dethroning the mighty Wouter (who was seeking his 6th straight 1-second improvement on Cradle 00 agent). Peter moves all the way up into a 5th place tie with me, coming from 11th! He also ties me on the agent top 5, pushing off some notables, mainly longtime agent top 5'er Greg Lavery! Peter takes Player of the Week (he secured it further by getting 1:05 Surface 1 agent) and could he squeak out yet another POM? Wouter will probably determine that. Speaking of the Dutchman, he adds 0:55 Jungle agent to his record total, breaking Karl's oh-so-aesthetic 0:55-1:00-1:05 sweep there. Needless to say, he said he got stuck on something. Thanks to this record, Wouter narrowly retains 1st on the agent top 5, fighting off former nemesis Randy Buikema.

And as the headlines suggest, Randy has made a small, and probably temporary, return to GoldenEye for the Christmas break. He quickly picks up the agent and secret agent records on Cradle (recall that he was the first to kill Trev with the grenade on SA a few months back, but he died before he could finish, or so I've heard), claiming only 5 minutes of effort on SA...(2 grenades within the span!?). Anyway, I'm sure it's only a matter days before both Wouter, Randy, and maybe a few others tie this record. It should be noted that Adam Moore was the second after Wouter to pull off the grenade strat, getting 0:40 on SA. Greg Woll also has used the strat successfully, also with 0:40. Moore bitterly threatens 0:37s across, but Greg Woll seems content with just pulling it off.

Two other records, a tie of the Surface 1 record by Eise Smit and a Dam agent tie by the resurgent Craig Makepeace. Both gain spots (Eise remains in 10th, but would've dropped to 11th otherwise).

That's all the new times for now. For those of you who are still wondering about the situation with the movies, let me tell you what I know. The original server is gone for good most likely. The alternate server where the GE Elite was hosted canceled our account apparently, so the couple dozen movies kept there are unavailable as well. Right now no one seems to have a solution as to a future host of the movies. If you really want a certain movie, you can contact me on AIM, my screen name is available at the bottom of the left column. File transfer is the only way to get movies these days, I really hope we can find somewhere to put these soon. The GE Elite is back up, the new address is another geocities hellhole for those of you who didn't know.

I'm leaving to go see my girlfriend for the holidays (out of state), I'll be returning the 5th. Until then, happy holidays everybody (except Tim Greneby, who insists on not letting me pass him). Have fun and don't get too interested in new Christmas games, GoldenEye's given you nothing but love (and blinding sensations of embittered rage occasionally), why turn your back on it now? Remember, it owns your soul for eternity so be nice.

2 new names, 2 old names, 4 multiples of 18  |  more Wouter

The total number of players with records is now at 42, an all-time high, with the addition of new players Bryan Youse and Stephen Chan. They have a few things in common - they both recently showed up on the message board, they have similar times, and they share their first record, 0:18 Bunker agent. They earn co-POW for December week 2, congratulations! It should be noted that Bryan used both 1.1 and 1.2 in his run! He used 1.2 up until his key analyzer pause, then used 1.1 for a smooth exit warp. Not bad for a rookie! For those of you who are curious what it's like to get your first record, or just desiring to remember the excitement of your first, check out this proof pic from Bryan, hehe.

Peter Osterland is back with a stark reminder that he is among the finest when it comes to agent. Peter becomes the first to tie Wouter's 0:36 Cradle agent, the second time he's tied an untied record on agent. Not an hour had passed before GoldenEye veteran Eise Smit reported the time too, this all happening only a few hours ago! Glad you guys could make the update a little more interesting. Could we have another co-POW in week 3? Just another sign that GoldenEye's competitive days are done.

No update is complete without some Wouter Jansen commentary, I get Dutch hatemail otherwise. Wouter improved Silo SA again, amazingly, another one-second improvement to 1:16 Silo secret agent. Why let my oafish, uneducated words try to describe something I could never understand...let the master himself do it:"

WouterJ007: I got stuck for at least one second
WouterJ007: on a box
WouterJ007: rest was pretty smooth I think

...Makes me feel so insignificant. It would appear he's finally satisfied with it, now 3 seconds from his closest competitor. I was ready to add links to Wouter's latest movies to the site, but now the server holding his records AND the GEE rankings is denying service! Jeez, looks like my site is the last remaining site available in GE! I'll keep you guys posted if anything changes, but I am not involved directly in either instance, so I can't do anything about it.

To conclude the update, there has been some action in LTK. Greg Woll surprised everyone with his first LTK time, a world record: 0:56 Egypt LTK. Later Greg Lavery tied it, having found out what Woll did, and later broke his record, 0:54 Egypt LTK. Lavery also got 0:37 Cradle LTK, remarkably quick and faster than his Cradle agent time! Of course, remember that the Baron and Trev die on one shot on LTK, and drone guns don't kill you. Still awesome times.

Just the usual Wouter worship

Wouter has all 3 Silo records. Wouter is still playing Silo. Wouter is still PR'ing Silo. Poor Silo.

This just in from the Netherlands, Wouter Jansen, national hero, has just destroyed his already unbeatable record. Not the first time I've said those words. This update the time is 1:37 Silo 00 agent. Yes, The record that Wouter held 8 seconds faster than everyone is now 12 seconds faster (well, excluding Randy Buikema's 1:45). Wouter's 1:41 was a quick time despite the difficulty of staying alive when not getting the armor. 1:37 is simply fast as hell. Let me put it in perspective. You take 4 seconds to go in and out of the start menu. You have have to press pause 4 times to get out plastique, meanwhile leaving yourself vulnerable not only to gunfire, but also you risk getting blocked by guards getting in the way. There's also an unavoidable 1 or 2 second wait at the door before the satellite. I'll do the math for you - if Wouter didn't stop to throw plastique he might have broken 1:20. This on 00 agent. Goodness. Let's talk about secret agent now. Wouter felt like taking another second off this one, so he did, 1:17 Silo secret agent. He recorded this on the final day of November, which made selecting him as POW and POM an easy choice (otherwise no one would seem deserving of POM November, check for yourself). Wouter's new 00 agent time earns him Week 1 December honors as well, going on the assumption that no one will pull off anything better in the next 48 hours.

There are other people out there. Like me - 1:05 Surface 1 agent is now incarcerated in my cartridge forever, but not after many 1:06s.... Garrett Sellati got this time a few days before me, earning a tie for 5th on the agent top 5. I move into sole possession of 4th place.

Karl Jobst, whose level of activeness is unclear, rather unassumingly posted a 0:25 Bunker 1 secret agent, taking down Randy's untied total to 5. Eise Smit, also rather mysterious, ties the long-untouched 0:39 Runway 00 agent mark, gaining him several positions in the ranking. And last but not least, a new player, Vincent Rolin of France, ties Runway's agent record, congratulations to him.

LTK has been popular lately, there have been 5 new records in that category. Greg Lavery, LTK phenom/legend, got an amazing 3:54 on Aztec, surpassing the 00 agent times of some respectable gamers. He also got 2:41 Statue (I might have to further establish my Statue sovereignty soon) and 1:22 Facility, beating Greneby by 6 seconds. Ben Southward may have made the biggest news in LTK by not only becoming the third to beat Runway, but destroying the record. He's improved it a few times, currently his record is down to 0:53! And finally, Garrett Sellati found time to become the fourth to tie the Archives 1:01 record.

Reminder: the server sucks. Thank you. (i.e., return of movies still unknown)

Things quiet down

It's been a couple of weeks, and there are only a few new records. I was going to wait for the server to come back up (yes, I know, it's ridiculous) but I've been informed it may be down for a while (which means most of the movies won't be available). A reminder to anyone who wants to see either of my new facility movies, you can get them from me over AIM.

There has been one interesting record, an untied record from Wouter Jansen. His new time is a baffling 1:14 Frigate 00 agent...despite a 4-second improvement, Wouter claims no strat change and even said he finished a failed run in 1:12, faster than most of us are capable of finishing secret agent. The time is on tape, so hopefully we'll see this Wouter-quality insane record eventually. With this record the overall total time drops under 1:22:00 to 1:21:58! I remember it breaking 1:25:00 earlier this year. I don't think it will ever make it to 1:20:59. Glad I could share that. Wouter's time gets him POW for #2 November, but the competition wasn't fierce - there were no other records.

Just when I thought I was going to squeeze a Player of the Week award out of an uneventful week with my new 0:49 Facility agent, two other players also picked up the time. Those two would be Gary Carney followed by Garrett Sellati. This proves my theory of the Clark Effect; "when Derek (me) ties any somewhat difficult record, it starts a movement of many people tying it to the point where it's an "easy" record...because if Clark can get it, it must be easy!" Anyway, I had no choice but to split the POW 3 ways, the first time there has been a tie for any award.

Goodbye for now, there's no telling when the next record will be, but I won't update unless there are two or more records, or unless the server comes back and I can add movies. Until then, happy gaming kids, now go watch me fly up the GE Elite ranks! (assuming Wes updates again before 2002....)

Woll sweeps Egyptian | Jobst gets Runway SA 0:23

First allow me to explain why the long delay on this update. The combination of having visiting company, the server being down, and a series of computer problems have prevented me from updating. Fortunately there haven't been too many records, so I'll just get right to business.

About two weeks ago Greg Woll got an 0:50 on Egyptian agent. Surprised, he decided he should try to do the same on secret agent and succeeded, picking up a world record. The next day he got 0:49 on agent on a practice run! A run that was preparing him for 00 agent. The following day he finally got his sweep, getting 0:50 on 00 agent. Just like that Greg had 3 new records...and about one week later he added 0:17 Archives agent. So FOUR records for Greg, moving him all the way up into 5th! His Egyptian feat earned him POW for Week 4 October. Congratulations to Greg, you are really starting to set yourself apart as one of the very best GoldenEye players in the world.

Just yesterday, it finally happened. He said it would happen. It was not easy, but it did. Karl Jobst gets his first PR in weeks and what better than 0:23 Runway secret agent! Remarkably, 34 people lose a record, and I can now enjoy the leaders page without the "(1 SA)" next to every freakin' name, hehe. While most are indifferent to the loss of their record, some are hit hard. Ben Southward got his first world record only to lose it a couple weeks later. I regret I was not able to update the record before he lost it, but now you know he had it. Rookie phenom Bryan Youse had even worse luck, getting the record hours before Karl's 0:23!!! Also, new player Jim Söderlund of Sweden posted the two runway records, losing one already to Jobst. On a brighter note, Jim got 0:17 Archives agent about a week later, a very impressive debut for him! (by the way, the "ö" is not on my keyboard, I have to paste it--consider yourself lucky I do, hehe). Back to Karl's new time, the movie can be seen here. Don't feel bad guys, with 1.2, half a dozen boosts, Jobst magic, and the will of God, you can get 0:23 too!!

Three of GoldenEye's finest stayed active with some new world records. First, Tim Greneby picked up a pair of records on back to back days, 0:49 Facility agent and later 0:53 Depot 00 agent. Tim earns POW for these two great times. Gary Carney and Matthijs ten Ham each get 1:05 Surface 1 agent. Matthijs's 1:05 is available for download along with a few other new movies from him (bonus techno as usual, even classical...). There are three new movies from me, most notably the fastest Frigate SA movie online, 1:13. Anyway, well done to the three players just mentioned, some very tough times there.

Here's something new: Wouter Jansen is the last player to be mentioned. No particular reason... Wouter ties Randy on Facility with 0:59 Facility 00 agent. He still wants 0:57s, but I'm sure 0:58 would've been a lot more satisfying than 0:59. Speaking of unsatisfying records, Wouter pulled off the grenade strat again--0:40 Cradle 00 agent is his time, the 4th time he's improved this record by 1 second rather interestingly. He wanted 0:39, and considering how rare grenades are on Cradle, I can see why he'd feel better if he still had 0:41!

Wouter #1 in all rankings

Since Karl Jobst and Randy Buikema stopped actively playing GoldenEye, it's been a one-man show. Wouter Jansen wins player of the week for the 4th straight week, taking advantage of quiet times in GoldenEye and steadily picking up new records. Wouter's first new time is an important one--1:56 Aztec agent--the end of Sterling's last untied record and GoldenEye's longest-lasting record. It should be noted that Wouter has now held or shared all 20 agent records at least once. Wouter also got 1:27 Caverns secret agent (giving Wouter his third sweep), and despite talk of 1:25 failed runs and new strat tips from Randy, he does not plan on working on this any further. These 2 records have pushed Wouter into #1 on the agent and secret agent top 5's, taking the spot from Randy on each. Wouter now is #1 on all rankings, including the total times, passing Randy in the agent category with his 4-second improvement on Aztec. Wouter leads in all point totals in the Elite *EXCEPT* agent in which he trails Randy by 1 point. Unacceptable, I expect improvement immediately Wouter. How about Statue? A couple points of interest, Wouter has 36 records, exactly half being untied, 18. Also he has 12 records on each agent, proving he has no weakness.... All 4 of Wouter's untied record totals are the most every (check the site records).

Eise Smit continues his comeback campaign, picking up 2 agent records for the second consecutive week. Smit has more than doubled his WR total from the beginning of the month, and cut his rank in half as well. Matthijs ten Ham, who is only about 50 pts from passing the great Sterling Neblett, surprises us with 2 records after a period of relative inactivity (in the WR dept). He joins Smit by getting 1:15 Streets agent, then comes back with 0:56 Surface 2 secret agent, only the 5th to do so. The movie is available along with 4 new movies added. Two agent records from me are online (including my ugly 1:15 on Streets--only 2nd online though). Karl Jobst noticed that two of his vids (2 of his best, luck would have it) were never uploaded! Those being his incredible 0:56 Bunker 2 SA along with his 0:57 Archives SA. With every 0:57 I watch, I became more certain I will never get this time. Anyway, back to Matthijs; he gains a ton of spots, moving all the way up into 7th. He also gains a 5th place tie on both the agent and the secret agent top 5. If you look at those 2 top 5s you'll notice they're surprisingly similar (in terms of rank changes). In the midst of Matthijs's rise, Sterling Neblett takes his worst drop ever with the loss of his untied record, now tied for 13th.

Back from retirement, Garrett Sellati gets his first record in months, 1:15 Streets agent (yes, that makes 3 this update). Garrett is one of the best, you may recall his 2:17 Train 00 agent stood for a very long time. Hopefully he has some more in store for us. That is all for this update...and for all you chemists out there--go Mole Day!! 10-23 forever!!! Not.

Geocities is gone forever!

Update your favorites, my site is finally on the same server as the movies. And yes, the server is back up and the movies work again! The problem was resolved. I will be adding a few new vids from myself and Karl Jobst in a couple days.

One record = many changes

For the third straight week Wouter Jansen takes player of the week honors. He added one more tied record for this update, but it was a very important one. The time is 2:18 Aztec secret agent, and many changes resulted from this time. On the leaderboard, Wouter is now tied for first with Randy Buikema on the secret agent top 5. On the same top 5 there is now a 5-way tie for 5th place, Steven Zwartjes having lost an untied record. On the site records page, Wouter improves 2 of his accumulative records, having never had a share of this record (a rare instance for Wouter). Also, Steven's record was one of 4 records that had remained untied since the creation of the site - now the total is down to 3. Wouter's old time was 2:27 on this mission, so with a 9-second cut on his secret agent total (and, in turn, his overall total), Wouter sets new records for total time (with regard to closeness to the current total) for both secret agent and overall time. One was an improvement on his own time, the other beat Randy Buikema. Wouter's POW was not solely based on this record, but also on his Depot times earlier in week 2. However, without this time, Wouter likely would have lost it to another player. In conclusion, Wouter did good.

Eise Smit has returned to GoldenEye (to my dismay) and not only is hitting solid PRs but has 2 new world records - 0:27 Depot agent and 0:54 Dam agent. Eise is surely capable of many other of the current records, we'll have to wait and see whether or not he goes for them. Apparently he had a very close call on Aztec agent, GoldenEye's longest-standing untied record.

Greg Woll tied his second Streets record by getting 1:15 Streets agent. This run is almost as fun as Frigate agent (sarcasm...strong) but yet it's becoming a borderline common record. Nonetheless, Greg gains a few spots on the rankings. Finally, Martijn Kool joins Rochus by tying 0:24 Runway secret agent, the two Dutchman sharing the same 4 records. Martijn gains 4 spots and also pushes the Runway SA recordholder total to 35, a site record.

The situation with the movies is not looking good, apparently the plan to move it was abandoned. There's no telling if and when they'll be back. To brief those of you who don't know, the person who owns the server has been excommunicated from the Elite as well as the message board for certain issues that I won't get into (nor understand completely). Understandably, this person has denied use of his server until he's added back. So we're at a stalemate and both sides are being stubborn at this now you see why it's out of my hands. I've attempted to intervene, and will continue to do so until the server is restored, or closed off for good.

Multiple new records from Wouter

Wouter Jansen takes player of the week honors without much competition, as he sets 4 new records and ties a previously untied record. Backing up his claim that his goal is to lower the Elite total, Wouter improved two of his own times that were already untied. First he pulled off something we all kinda new was possible, but weren't sure would ever be done--0:39 Cradle secret agent!! Wouter picked up a grenade from a guard as he ran to Trev, and managed to time his prime perfectly and kill Trevelyn with it. He proceeded to finish smoothly and set an incredible record. The next day Wouter revealed 0:41 Cradle 00 agent. He got the grenade again! Or did he? Actually no...maybe even more remarkable than 0:39 is the fact that he got this time of 0:41 on the ordinary strategy! No one else has even gotten 0:42. Wouter's Cradle skill is clearly unmatched. He was not done there, however.

Wouter's next target was Depot. First he got 0:45 Depot secret agent, another time people figured would happen eventually (who other than Wouter to be the first?). Then he got 0:53 Depot 00 agent, but was not happy with it! Wouter had his eyes set on 0:52, we'll see if he comes up with that next. He appears to be fully active and at the top of his game, so anticipate more insane records.

The second big story for this update is a new player. Marcus Dolejsi, better known as "Sucram" (among the Elite), has joined the GoldenEye record chase. Marcus, the 2nd ranked Perfect Dark player in the world, has already accumulated 4 records, acquired in the span of a few days. I'm not sure whether or not this is a serious GE bid, we'll have to wait and see.

Only two other records left to report. First, I'm glad to announce that Karl Jobst is coming back to GoldenEye! He quickly added 0:49 Facility agent to his record total and said he was going for 0:48 last I heard. Greg Lavery's 0:49 movie showed some room for improvement, as Greg got caught on a wall for a second--so 0:48 is not unlikely. The final record of the update is by me, Derek Clark. I tied 1:15 Streets agent, a record I wasn't planning on going for but got really lucky the first time I got a grenade launcher. I'll take what I can get! With the record losses brought on by Wouter's 0:45 Depot secret agent, I'm now in a secure 6th place. Ben Gorman, Dirk Olson, and Dan Dykstra lose 2 spots each, our only movers on the rankings (after a week in which 8 people gained positions and no one lost any).

The last thing I wanted to say is just an update on the movies situation. I heard yesterday that the server is going to be moved and may be back online in a couple weeks at the soonest. I apologize for this, I wish I had some control over the situation. Anyway, that's all for now, so enjoy this palindromic day (10.11.01) because there won't be another one for ...11 days.

Movies down

BDG closed down his server which holds about 90% of the movies. This may or may not be temporary, it depends on a few personal issues going on that I won't get into. If you want to know which movies work, just hover your mouse over the link of the one you want to DL and if it has "" in the url it won't be available. Sorry about this, it's out of my hands.

Everything Updated

Honestly there is too much going on for me to describe in the detail you've become familiar with, so please do not be disappointed if I mention your record (or whatever) briefly. First I'll mention the records, as usual. 17 records have been recorded in only a span of a week! Perhaps another revival is in GE's future. The only untied records are from Wouter Jansen who got an amazing 1:06 Silo agent. If that record loses another second I'm going to be sick, it's unbelievable. Wouter has it on tape, maybe we'll see it soon. This is the first time he's at least shared the Silo agent record, so there are a few changes on the Site Records page (where new records regarding total time were added) in the record accumulation section, specifically. Moving on, he also got 0:42 Cradle 00 agent, completing an untied sweep on Cradle along with his new sweep on Silo. New players (and real-life friends) Rochus Neeleman and Martijn Kool of the Netherlands have gotten off to impressive starts with 4 and 3 records respectively (glance over at recent records please). Chris Rayola begins his comeback with 3 new records gaining multiple spots. Myself and Harvey Manhood tied the 0:17 mark on Archives agent and Greg Lavery tied the tough 0:57 mark on secret agent--he vows to get it on 00 agent, unlike someone....

Greg Woll had become the highest active player without 1:59 on Streets SA/00A...and that he will remain. Greg got 1:58 on secret agent!!! Greg got like 60 boosts; but it's about time Streets gave him a break! Makes up for all those 2:00's, right? Awesome time, just when Wouter thought that one was in the bag. Speaking of droughts ending, Eddie Lovins finally got 0:27 on Depot, hurray!

Thanks to Greg Lavery, we have another handful of vids linked, all but one being a world record (a not-too-shabby 1:43 Surface 2 00 agent by Greg). Randy's 0:25 Bunker 1 SA untied record is available, be sure to DL it. Also Statue 2:27 agent from Randy is online. It's not 2:26, but I guess you can watch it ;o). Dan Dykstra's 0:46 Depot secret agent is available as well, but you don't know about that yet, whoops.

Dan Dykstra continues to challenge the assumption he's the worst player in Illinois..hehe..this time he got 0:46 Depot secret agent proving again that Illinois, Depot, and the devil struck up a deal.

On the LTK page there have been 3 new movies added, one by Chris Rayola, the first non-Lavery LTK movie added. The other 2 are some of the latest records from Greg. I want to mention that Greg's 1:48 Surface 2 00 agent has been linked to the normal WR table, because, as Greg pointed out to me, it is the fastest non-grenade strat vid online! Oh, and while I'm on the topic, I recommend DLing his Dam 3:29 just to observe the very clever strat.

I think that covers it. Be sure to browse around, everything but the Awards page (created yesterday) has been updated, so there's a lot to look at. Oh, before I forget--Wouter pointed out to me that I was wrong in deducting one record from Sterling's total last update, I miscounted. I should've trusted what I had originally! And finally, I added 2 links (to the bottom of the left column) that I think might be of some interest.

Awards section finished!

I have looked at past records and carefully selected winners for each week dating back to March, as well as monthly winners. A few of you might be pleasantly surprised. Have a look!

About the site's new setup

My site is now broken up into separate pages. There are a few new sections, I hope you find them interesting. I don't plan on making any major changes or additions to my site any time soon, so I hope you like it how it is. Don't hesitate to email me with comments.

Surprise times from Jansen, Buikema; more vids from Lavery

First allow me to apologize for the hiatus. Twelve days is too many, and I apologize. I was out of town about half of those and very busy with college the others. I try my best.

Our main story is the surprising PRs from Wouter Jansen and Randy Buikema. Each have reported new records this week after a month off for each. Randy is now attending classes, and despite saying he was essentially retired he surprised us with 0:59 Facility 00 agent! GoldenEye's infamous target time has now been reduced to yet another sub-1:00 time. It is worth mention that Randy got 2:16 Train 00 agent the same day, the second fastest time ever. Back to Wouter, he has been quiet of late and no one was sure of when we'd get new times from him. Well, in his campaign to max out every time, Wouter got 0:36 Cradle agent, an idea that had been entertained before. Wouter pioneers yet another great time. I want to reassure readers that in the midst of the recent conflict on the message boards, my admiration for this time as well as all of Wouter's times is authentic. I hold no grudges.

Greg Lavery came out with his second batch of movies, just in time for the update. This time he has 9 new ones, all of them near the record, some tying the record. I can't help but notice that Greg's Archives movie is 00 agent, making 5 different 00 agent vids, but none for secret agent still. Dan Dykstra comes out with his second video, 0:37 Cradle agent. It loses the distinction of being a record, but is still the fastest online. Lastly, Matthijs ten Ham's 0:49 Facility agent video has been fixed and is online and linked to my site.

Dykstra loses sole possession of his Surface 2 agent record as Peter Osterland manages 0:53 Surface 2 agent. Peter's agent prowess continues to surprise me! He seems capable of tying any record. Osterland loses his Cradle record, but with the drop of Dan Dykstra (who had a bad week, losing his untied record as well as Cradle agent), Peter gains 2 spots and Dan loses 2. Sterling Neblett loses several spots having lost Cradle and also I discovered a discrepency in his totals--Sterling was credited with one too many records. As a result, I pass him, so I can't complain!

Harvey Manhood finally gets his 0:23 Runway agent! I'm happy for you, good job...and let this be a lesson for all 1.1 players--new controllers are important! The Nameless Little Boy picks up another record, making 0:18 Bunker 1 agent his 4th record. One other player got his first 0:18 as well, that being Rochus Neeleman, another Dutchman! I want to remind everyone that no matter how many people get 0:18, it will always be distinctly more difficult than Dam 0:55 was, so good job on this tricky record. Finally, we have one more record, this from a PD specialist. His name is Claude Boucher of Quebec (could you tell?), better known as "ChodHe" on the message boards. His record is 0:24 Runway secret agent...for your sake let's hope Karl doesn't get that 0:23 soon!

First vids from Lavery and Dykstra!

The long awaited vids from Greg Lavery are finally here, thanks to Wes McKinney. There are 10 total, 6 of them being the fastest online! Most notably is Greg's sole untied record, 0:53 Depot 00 agent. Watch that one and be baffled out how little he gets hit in the drone room. Another highly anticipated movie is his 0:49 Facility agent, the first ever achieved. In this one he gets stuck on a wall for nearly a second! I would have to say 0:48 is possible. Nonetheless, the 49 is a beautifully smooth run. Greg contributes the first Cradle 00 agent vid (his world record tying 0:43) as well as the first Egyptian secret and 00 agent vids (also world records, 0:50 each). And as I watched his 1:17 Train agent vid I watched in bewilderment as he got stuck on everything possible...I thought "no way is this 1:17." Then he took out the entire escape hatch door in about 1.2 seconds. The new limit for Train agent is about 55 seconds. Dan Dykstra contributes his first vid to the site, and what better than his untied world record, 0:53 Surface 2 agent! Prepare to amazed as he calmly throws the mine from about 800 feet away and then exits smoothly, knowing an insane record is depending on it. They all download fast, they are streaming videos, so don't waste any more time and download them!

There has been a slight resurgence in the world record department these past few days. The most notable record of the update comes from the persistent Eddie Lovins. He warned us that it was coming, and that day has finally greeted us with its cold frigate agent smile. Yes, 0:25 Frigate agent is no longer a time that eludes us, it is now a reality in the magical world of Eddie's game pak. Congratulations on finding the patience to finally pull this one off (you record-stealing whore). Eddie may hang on to this record alone for a while, 0:25 is a true feat. Eddie gains no new record but is no longer tied with anyone, tasting the exhiliration of 14th exclusively. Six people lose this record, but myself and Peter Osterland are the only ones that lose positions, charming.

Dan Dykstra stays hot by picking up 0:37 Cradle agent in his spare time on his 3rd try on a slow run, etc etc. Anticipate 0:35 from Dan in the next few days. Not. Okay, enough teasing, 0:37 takes a ton of skill and that is something Dan Dykstra possesses. He passed me on the GEE World Rankings so he must be insanely awesome :) Moving on, Adam Matis, who is in and out of GoldenEye retirement on a daily basis, adds another record to his name, 0:27 Depot agent. Greg Woll witnessed it and was quoted saying, "My life will be never be the same after watching Adam's mastery of Depot agent." Actually he did not say that. Well maybe he did, that would be cool.

Now you're probably wondering who "Nameless Little Boy" is by now (check recent records). That would be "Deku Sprout" of EZBoards. He does not want to reveal his name, and made the fateful mistake of allowing me to designate a name for him. Deku, you can request a name change any time, hehe. My board of officials will consider your case carefully. Anyway, Nameless Little Boy has accumulated 3 records over the last several weeks, you can check those to the left. His performance has surprised us all, he is working on more records as we speak. He debuts at 25th. I wish him and everyone good luck as usual.

A few final news and notes. First, I am considering moving my site to BDGs server soon. This would also mean I would gain access to it (which means I could upload movies). It should not be a big problem; if it happens I will turn this url into a redirecting page. Just be sure to change your bookmarks when and if it happens. Second, I have a few random factoids. First, all 11 of the vids I just added are within 20 seconds of 1:00 in length, wow (not). I then investigated the world records and found that 26 of 60 records were under a minute, 2 were 1:00 exactly. Not interesting again, but if you reflect on the type of game we're dealing with, it's a true insult to the makers of the game. Lastly, check the fun facts, there's a new one for all you PD/BlueDogGreen fans.

New vids from Matthijs, WR from Lovins

Hi again, only a few new things to report. Matthijs ten Ham brings us two new vids, each being the fastest movie in the world for the respective mission! Those vids are a 1:00 Facility SA, and a 0:43 Cradle SA. They download fast and are full of tips and tricks anyone can use to better their time. So thanks a lot to Matthijs. Each vid has some mellow techno embedded, making the viewing experience even better. Matthijs also had his 0:49 Facility agent vid made, but the url we've been given is not working. I've watched the 0:49 personally; if you REALLY want it I can send it to you over AIM as I've done for a few already. Either way, the movie will become available online soon (pending Wes's cooperation). On a separate note, Matthijs has become the latest to claim the dubious distinction of being the highest ranked player without an untied record.

Just one record has been recorded in the last few days. Normally I wait for at least a few to accumulate, but I sympathized for Eddie Lovins who missed my last update by a few hours. So his time of 1:15 Streets agent has been added and the corresponding totals adjusted. Lovins gains 3 spots, moving into a 4-way tie at 14th. Congratulations to Eddie on this new time, and also for his impressive rise in the World Rankings.

Lastly, as I continue to listen to the voices of different political figures speaking at press conferences and whatnot, I feel obligated to make mention of the day's events, the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. I know that all us, American or not, are very startled by what took place (forgive me if I've understated it)...I simply hope that a resolution comes about with justice, but not full-scale war, as I'm sure most of you do. Hmm...if I continue I'll become as cliche as a politician afraid to offer an original thought fearing I'll just cut it short. Keep PRing guys.

Osterland, Matthijs score tough agent WRs

In the midst of the gradual renovation of my site (along with the slow death of the color yellow), there are still people getting some records. Peter Osterland gets 2 more agent records, back-to-back, both of them being very exclusive records. First Frigate finally concedes its hostages as Peter gets 0:26 Frigate agent after talk of 0:25s and even 0:24s. The story seems the same for everybody who plays Frigate: by the time you get 0:26, 0:25s are equally as common on failed runs. That begs the question, can the hostages escape in 0:25? Most would argue yes, but it seems that there is a remarkable dropoff in frequency of escape from 0:26 to 0:25. What's most important in all of this debate is that I kept my record :) Anyway, I believe it was the next day, if not the same day, that Peter added 0:37 Cradle agent to his impressive agent resume. Peter insists 0:36 is possible and even considered attempting it, but for now it seems he is content with a world record share. So how do these 2 records affect Peter's standing? He gains two spots on the overall rankings, but more importantly finds himself a share of 4th on the agent top 5, putting him in very elite company. Congratulations to Peter for his incredible job on agent.

One more record left to mention, that by none other than Matthijs ten Ham. Just when you thought he was slipping into inactivity, he comes back with 0:49 Facility agent, reminding us that Matthijs is one of the very best in the game (sensing a sig change from Matthijs soon...:). He is only the 4th person to pull off this tough time, and even insists his run was not 100% perfect. Nonetheless, Matthijs ups his total. Unfortunately he does not gain a spot.

Hopefully the next time I update I will have the final installation of my site's renovation. I still plan on adding another section that should be interesting, so look forward to that. In the meantime, don't hesitate to email me with comments or questions about the changes to the site, or corrections about data. You can also send me an instant message via AIM, my screen name is MarioKartUpstart as most of you know.

The dawn of Wouter's 2nd Reich

Randy Buikema has gone to college. Randy Buikema will not be playing GoldenEye anymore. Wouter Jansen has not gone to college. Wouter will be playing GoldenEye until death. And so, Wouter looks unopposed in taking control of 1st place for a long time, proving once again that he's the biggest thing to come out of Netherlands since the word "dyke". Oh yeah...for those of you who didn't know, "reich" means world takeover. Perhaps a slight exaggeration, but who cares? Me? No, I don't care, nor should you. Moving on.

I delayed this update because the world of Goldeneye has died down significantly. It would appear that Paragon and I have indirectly sparked a shift in gaming interest, as Nintendo executives are still pondering why there's a spike in Mariokart 64 sales this month. Wouter, however, has remained focused on GoldenEye, and has proclaimed that his focus is setting untied records...lowering the Elite total as much as possible. Since the bundle of records last week, Wouter has added just one more. The time is 2:05 Dam 00 agent, a new world record. Having seen the 2:06 video, this must've been quite an accomplishment. Wouter argues at least one more second can (and should) come off this time. No one's a threat to 2:05 for now, but you never know when Karl (the 3rd piece of the Triple Entente) will come back and set some of his own untouchable records.

Adam Moore and Harvey Manhood, two of GoldenEye's hottest players, each pick up one more tie this week. They each finally squeezed out 0:27 Depot agent, one of the game's most deceptively difficult records. Special commendations go to Harvey for not complaining about the wait on the update, hehehe....

And yes, I have made a few changes to the site, some more are probably coming... if I feel like it. That is it for new records, keep playing guys, my site hits depend on it! Greg Woll...check Bunker 1 agent.

Wouter takes back first!

I certainly did not see it coming, but with Wouter Jansen's revelation of his new times recorded during the summer, he draws to a tie with Randy Buikema at 33 records. Wouter wins the tiebreaker with more untied records. I must take back comments I made about Wouter being miles behind, I did not factor in that Randy would lose 4 records! Last update Randy had a commanding 11-record lead over Wouter (37-26), but with Wouter's 9 new records, 4 untied, he overcomes what most thought was (Dutch, get out English dictionary...) an insurmountable deficit. Notably, Wouter Jansen's agent totals all return to double-digits (after having all dropped below 10). The new records are listed off to the right, highlighted for your convenience. Now for some commentary on the 4 new records.

Assuming Wouter listed his records chronologically, his first untied record of the summer was 1:36 Surface 2 00 agent. This time is getting close to its limit under the current grenade strat, but I saw Ben Gorman get a God-like 1:33 run in which he failed only in timing the grenade!!! So until 1:33/1:34 or better is achieved, I will continue to declare this record unstable. Moving on, Wouter then bettered Randy's Bunker 2 00 agent record by a second with 1:15 Bunker 2 00 agent, a rather undramatic record. Furthermore he achieved this time twice (allegedly), so this record also gets the "unstable" label...I did not intend for that to rhyme, I'm sorry. The third record for Wouter is one we anticipated but should be considered no less impressive: 1:58 Streets 00 agent. The boosting necessary to finish this fast is nearly fatal, I'm not surprised Wouter got 1:58 on secret agent first. Wouter's last new record is the real killer, a truly great achievement in the agent pioneering section. The time? 1:03 Caverns agent, one of the classic speculative limits achieved. Fifteen people lose possession of this record, many of whom just lost 1:59 Streets 00 agent as well. The losses have lowered totals significantly, the majority of numbers being in gray this update. On another note, with Wouter's Streets 00 agent time we have lost Shawn Johnson, sadly. Shawn appears to be highly inactive in GoldenEye at this point, but should he return, you have to tell him, not me.

I guess there were a few other times by other people, but who cares. I'm just kidding of course -- there were no other times. Okay, in seriousness, there are a few new times, I will now tell you all about them. There were 3 more 0:54 Dam agents recorded, more than how any were recorded since the first week 0:54 was achieved up until now. Adam Moore and Eddie Lovins reached the mark on back to back days, but not before Justin Thomas became #19 on the "Make-Wes's-limit-perception-look-bad list"...*anticipates removal from GE Elite*...hehe. Back to Justin, he also picked up 2 other records, 0:23 Runway agent and 0:24 Runway secret agent, quadrupling his record total and gaining lots of spots on the rankings. Speaking of the rankings, there is a 5-way tie for 16th place right now, cool right? No actually, but you agreed didn't you? Anyway, now nodody has "1 00A" in parenthesis anymore, we have Wouter to thank. Well not me, just you guys, I still have 1 00A, but what a shame--it's untied so I don't get to have a "1 00A" by my total...*once again anticipates bad things like ridicule or account deletions*

I'm sure you have noticed the banner added to the page, I hope you like it. I was informed in an email today that the formatting was all screwy since it was added (though it looked fine for me), so I've made changes to assure it appears normal on all resolutions, browsers, or whatever. Anticipate more subtle changes to my site soon, I have been in the mood to experiment with web design and junk, though I'm living in the past with fundamental HTML...but...yeah. *hangs head*

8.19.01 | Two agent breakthroughs

When agent records are broken, it is a sacred event. Actually it sucks because lots of people lose records and updating is harder but ANYWAY.... The current strategies are all almost maxed, so new agent records are becoming a rare event. Breakthrough records serve as fast-times' version of "natural selection" as the weaklings clinging to 1 or 2 records are destroyed over time. Uh, wait, nevermind that. The two new times are from Illinois, not surprisingly. First Randy Buikema broke what not too long ago was a breakthrough record itself. His shocking new time is 0:25 Bunker 2 agent, putting Randy in a league of his own (as usual). The few who had 0:26 said it wasn't terribly hard (I watched Ben Gorman get his second 0:26 before my eyes), but 0:25 was a stretch. It will be interesting to see if anyone ties this time. The second breakthrough came on Surface 2 agent and this time it was Dan Dykstra...again. Yes, by pulling off 0:53 Surface 2 agent, Dan Dykstra takes control of this record for the second time (being the pioneer of 0:54). This time requires tossing the mine a mile, and exiting the mission perfectly. We knew it could be done, except no one really wanted to risk trying. Congratulations to both Dan and Randy for raising the bar for everyone once again.

There are only a few other records to report. Ben Gorman becomes the 5th to endure 0:26 Frigate agent, though he got the record about 5 minutes after he started playing. He did it while he was staying at my house. In fact, I walked into my room and leaned over to glance at the TV and saw "hostage escaped"--it's rare enough to get one--then right before he got in the boat I saw "A: completed" and looked at Ben like "please tell me you didn't get it already...." But he did, 0:26 was friendly to Ben...took him a while to stop laughing.

Peter Osterland continues his steady climb by becoming the 16th to tie 0:17 Archives agent, a time that is becoming far too common. Peter pulled it off with no boosts, using 1.1 to boot. Very impressive strafing by Peter no doubt. Perhaps I should try this time now....

We have a new player this week, one who I overlooked on the rankings I regret to say. His name is Michael Nielson and he enters the rankings with 2 records! Those being 0:23 Runway agent and 0:24 Runway secret agent. Judging by those two times, Michael can get some more records if he tries. I'll try to pay better attention to the rankings.

Now for some site news:

First, 3 new vids from Matthijs ten Ham have been added to the site, all 3 being 90+ point times. Interestingly, 2 of those 3 vids are the 4th vid online for the respective mission, but that's not all! Those 2 each fill a gap in a sequence of 4 vids each being one second slower than the previous.... Confused? Me too. Don't worry, just look at Dam and Archives, and no, it's not actually interesting, but...stuff. By the way, if some of you were having problems DLing movies this past week it's because the server crapped out again. The links have been corrected--for the 4th time.

In the recent deletion of my last geocities account, my "News Archive" page was lost forever, I did not have it backed up. Scroll down to see what's in place of the archive link.

For you wondering about Wouter Jansen's new records, they are on hold until he updates his site. When that happens Randy will be miles ahead and no one will care. However, we continue to wait patiently.

If you are one of thse 4 players whose location is unknown, please email me at, and I will get your information added immediately.

8.10.01 | 10 movies added, records updated

The new vids weren't necessarily recorded recently, but they were not added while the server was down (about a 2-month delay). I have added 4 new vids from Karl Jobst, 2 of which are world record ties, 2 being one second from the world record. I also added 4 from Ryan Honkonen, 2 being world record ties, and, well.... once again, 2 are one second from the world record...hmm, interesting. I also added a Bunker 1 0:18 vid from Christoph Kohlbach, his first movie. And lastly, I added my 0:26 Frigate agent movie, the first movie for Frigate agent showing the tracker bug throw! I hope it helps some people. There are now 186 vids linked, 38 being world records! Scroll down and look for "(new)" by the new movies.

Only 2 new record ties have been recorded since the last update. Adam Matis gets his finest world record yet, 0:17 Archives agent. Adam's strafing ability cannot be questioned after getting this incredibly technical record. The other record to report is by me, Derek Clark, that being 0:27 Depot agent, a record that eluded me for far too long. I owe Karl and Ben a thanks for their videos, which helped me realize how I was attempting the train car shot incorrectly.

No new updates are forthcoming until Wednesday at the very earliest. Ben Gorman, aka "ParagonX9", the #1-ranked Perfect Dark player in the world, is flying in tomorrow morning and coming to visit me and some friends for 4 days. With his help I might start getting some new world records, you never know.... By the way, I plan on creating a lengthy mpeg with footage from our trip, with gaming accomplishments and other random things spliced in there. I hope it turns out well. Anyway, I'm outta here.

8.8.01 | Movies work!

Well, it took a third IP address, but finally BlueDogGreen has restored all our movies. Once again I've edited the movie links, please report to me via email should they fail to load (due to bad links).

8.8.01 | Randy destroys competition

Hi, sorry it's been so long, but I'm finally back home and situated, so updates should come with more frequency. Let's go ahead and talk about what Randy Buikema did to earn the credit in the headline. Basically, Randy got 6 new records in a week, but what's most amazing is that 4 of them are untied!. What's more remarkable is that he did not even have ties on these 4 beforehand, rather conveniently.... Now Randy has every tied record, as he pointed out. The first record he broke was one that's been around a while--1:46 Train secret agent betters it by one second. Then he broke a record I thought was unbeatable, getting 1:28 Caverns secret agent. Karl's run seemed God-like, but I suppose a second can come and go easily on a mission like this. Randy next broke yet another secret agent record with 0:25 Bunker 1 secret agent. 0:26 was still a fresh record; 0:25 surprised everyone, even Randy. This one may remain untied for a while. His last untied record is on a mission whose record has been "unstable" over the last few months... 1:38 Surface 2 00 agent. No one's really put together a fantastic run on this one yet, we're still waiting on 1:35 and below...but still, Randy's time is the fastest it's ever been done. Lastly, Randy's two ties are 1:07 Silo agent and 0:26 Frigate agent, giving him a total of 17 agent records!!! His new secret agent records move him into #1 on the secret agent board, and he's a mere one record away from taking #1 in 00 agent as well. Randy's agent total (21:36) is only 6 seconds from the WR total, the closest anyone has EVER been. His lead is now 11 on Wouter, and it may never be relinquished. I think Randy Buikema has officially established himself as the best GoldenEye player in the world.

I guess there are other records, too. Tim Greneby, whose activeness is unclear, puts his name back in center spotlight with a stunning 2:13 Train 00 agent. 2:17 stood for as long as I can remember! A 4 second shave off this one is an unexpected event, and may stand as long as the old one. This record is truly incredible, great job Tim...stay active!

I got another record since last update, 0:26 Frigate agent. I got the time before Randy though! Regardless, there will be more to follow on this one in the future. Hopefully my vid will be available for download in the next few days. Anyway, this record is my 10th, putting me past Greneby into 9th. Greg Woll stays hot by getting 0:54 Surface 2 agent, just one of those missions we try to forget about, hehe. Greg has the reassurance of never having to play it again, with a nice 100-pt score on it. Greg's real-life friend Adam Matis also gains a record, 0:23 Runway agent. Good luck to both Adam and Greg in continued world record acquisition.

GoldenEye's hottest player, Eddie Lovins, gets another world record, 1:59 Streets 00 agent. Eddie could surely get more world records if the points were worthwhile, I'm eager to see if he heats up on this page, and not the elite rankings.

I have some news on the movies, for those of you who aren't already aware. BlueDogGreen, the beholder of the sacred server, has finally conjured up enough money for a new server for all our movies. He has uploaded them, and I have adjusted the URLs in my movie links, but for the time being they are not operating for undeclared reasons. I will keep you posted. Maybe he has fixed them by the time you read this, try clicking down there somewhere.... By the way, there's a new fun fact.